Molly the Cat-uman

Ok--
Molly the wonder cat thinks she is better than humans, and she fears she may be turning a wee bit humanish. She feels put upon because either she is left to her own devices or some humans hang around on  the best chairs in her rooms. She is beginning to fell the effect of living with these two legged bald creatures. They dismay her sensibilities as often as you could imagine. They seem feral.
First of all; they eat with their paws, and they do not bathe before each nap. They cannot stretch, bend or run and play as well as a cat. They need a lot of attention, and seem to like to touch or hold you even when you just  allowed it last week. Enough is enough, and it means your entire bathing ritual must start again,head to toe, because frankly they smell of what they eat, and it aint fish, baby believe me.I do not know what they eat, but hours later it seems to eat them (better leave that one lie).
Secondly, and far be it from me to complain, they are quite loud at odd hours whether or not I am napping. They add horrible smells to cover already indescribably bad smells.
We won't even discuss the operation I had. All I know is I was singing out love songs in case someone else was as lonely as me. It is what a male debonair cat does. Yes, I am a ladies cat.I then went in the car and got shaved and stitched and well, thankfully I was sedated so that's all i know.I don't know what they did but I am putting on a bit of weight. Hard to say cause they dress me in last month's fashions.You should see the hat the vet sent me out with .Everyone in his office was laughing at me. Thank God I was in my traveling box for the car.
Unlike them, I can chase any dog right back to his own house and not get the worst of it.They put weird chains and things on me that i think attract fleas. They seem fairly docile, but they scratch like they have mites.The biggest injustice is when one but stretches ones legs and scratch a bit of sofa and one will get a newspaper snapped on one's nose, believe me.
Thirdly-this odd obsession they have with windows. I need a platform to jump from to get at these lippy birds. The birds are nasty free thinkers and  seem proponents of free love and live entirely in the open, making nests with whomever they can. Besides they smell good and look tasty in my unmovable opinion.
Hey.would it kill you to put a little crushed ice in my water? I never ask for anything. I don't speak humanish. It has been a while since milk was left out for me either. One is no longer a kitten, kitten, but one does so love a bit of icy cold milk.
They like to play with toys so I join in when i can, speaking of aromas, mostly their best trick is refreshing my box. A lady needs certain creature comforts as you well may know. I will not discuss my box except to say I try to leave a little sumpin-sumpin whenever I can. A lady doesn't "go" and tell.
I have much more to tell you, but I need a wee kip just now and my pink fuzzy blanket is calling me. You will,  of course, excuse me but I have certain priorities. Tonight it is my turn to yowl at the kit cats strolling down our lane. One does what one can. I love a full moon. Or sleeping stretched out in the sun on the carpet. Life is good.
Meow meow.
(God bless).