Ok--
I have a friend at dialysis, his name is irrelevant in case he has family, but he was there directly across from me from my first session. I was so badly behaved, but he took it in his stride and was kind to me as I learned to accept both my kidney failure, and the eternal death of dialysis. In truth we were both kinda depressed and usually we were good for each other because we were never down on the same day.Except once.
One day my friend decided that dialysis was no kind of life-we agreed it was a kind of death but it never ended. We decided to get off the merry-go-round. We both seemed to feel no transplant would ever be given us and we quietly discussed dying together.
In our pain and confusion we believed it was a gift to our poor families, who seemed chained to the machine as much as we were. So please don't give me crap about assisted suicide, I know the whys of it. I know the despair of chronic illness, and the fear you will never get your old life back. I almost slid under that net to what I hoped would be peace.
Here's the reason why I do not believe in assisted suicide ( and this is me, I am not speaking for anyone else). We both got much better. If you knew us then you wouldn't recognize us today. We both can walk again. Yes we will need dialysis for the rest of our lives, but someone may invent a way to clone kidneys or the machine may get portable or something bizarre like my kidney could regenerate.
The point is today we talked about a trip to Benidorm. Yes it would need to include dialysis treatments, but it is not impossible, and there is life after kidney failure. I can actually live again, and not a compromised life of day trips on the weekend, I can go away, wherever my gypsy soul leads me.
I am not in prison unless I give in to this melancholy. I can choose to live. If you have a choice, choose life. Your next adventure awaits.
God bless.
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