bad day

For those of you tired of me complaining about dialysis, no need to read on. Wednesdays session was so bad i don't even want to go back. And  yes,  I do know what that means. I am not as afraid of death as I am the NHS Western Infirmary.
Yes itis still about my knee, and yes they decided to stop the antibiotics that have done me so much good. And no the cellulitus has not gone in the places down my leg i cant reach to lotion. That's all it would take, a bit of lotion. consistently for about a week.
The nurse Wednesday made an appointment for me even though i told her i could not do it on wed. Then she asked again, then she called the doctor who said he was coming over. Needless to say i split at that point. 
Swabbing is done for MRSA and of course mine was lost. So we had to do it again wed. and of course no one knew where the swabs were kept for about a half hour. So once again there was not time to go do extra time on the machine, because I ride with two other ladies and we need to get done about the same time. The loosehead who scheduled our seats put all 3 of us in the same room, so we won't even go there again, but i mean really.
there is only one nurse in the upper section, and two in the room of 6 patients, so when they take breaks and lunches it gets pretty hairy. I just dont know if i want to go in and get the lecture i will get for leaving wed noon. I did not scream, cuss , or swear, but i will today if they push too hard. I don't want to, but i am getting frustrated. I am beginning to feel no one is listening again. I know there are 10 patients and not just me, but my anguish is from appointments made without my consent. Thereby making themselves more unnecessary work. So here i go , more later.

farming

I am a person who needs order and stability. If my house is messy I cannot think. Not OCD like my brother, but clean and tidy. As the old saying goes opposites attract, and so there is Jim.
I grew up surrounded by farms in various sizes. My first real love was a farmer. What drew me in was rows and rows of perfectly planted grains and vegetables. Some farms were dairy as well, and the rhythm of the day for a cow fascinated me. Just cause i wanted to go out on a date, the cows must be tended, 7 days a week. Also, whilst dating him my car started to smell like a farm if you know what i mean.
I think we could have been happy, but i was too young to understand the needs of his cows. When i am more able to look back on those years I will have many stories to tell. Times were good. I was in love. I just didnt know it because it was hidden behind some real hard work.
Blessings

OOPS a correction blog

Not and Graham should have read Nok and Graham and I am truly sorry. These two fine people are going on the missions field. One thing Nok had to do before she could go was a dissertation, and remember English is not her native speech. Graham is from Scotland so he will need to learn a new language, customs, and why and to whom God is sending him. When i came to Scotland i was pretty scared, but then America had a similar language and many of the same traditions and customs. I can't help but admire people who for jobs, or mission field or for marriage go to a new country to start over.
They are looking fro a few good people to commit to pray for them on a regular basis, and you can contact them at Hope Hall church in Paisley on Alice street.I think you can send them a note and remain anonymous. I just think prayer is so important in our daily lives. If you agree, feel free to pray in agreement with me. You may also pray for me if you wish. I pray regularly for my readers as well.
Blessings

Missionary Sunday= Not and Graham

Well, yesterday was one of the best services in awhile. I was a wee bit late as we finished watching the Scotland game, but things were on Scottish time so I was ok. We had a guest speaker and I do not remember his name, but he built a fire for missions under us all. I remember telling everyone i would be back for evening service, but we had a roast dinner and I did not coordinate the times very well. SO, once again , a wee bit Scottish late.
This time however, wearing my thinnest jacket, the heavens opened. Then I got into church and it was cold, so I was pretty uncomfortable. After a tremendous service I will describe in a bit, we even were offered Thai snacks. All in all, not a bad day.
Now turn with me to your Bible, Acts 10 the story of Cornelius, an Italian Roman centurian." There was a man called Cornelius who lived in Caesarea, captain of the Italian guard stationed there. He was a thoroughly good man. He led everyone in his house to live worshipfully
before God, was always helping people in need,and had the habit of prayer." The Message, a bible paraphrase.
It goes on to say Cornelius had a vision that told him he had favor with God and to send men to Joppato get Peter,(who by no coincidence is having a vision himself).
The next day about noon Peter has a vision on the balcony as he is praying. It was about mealtime and Peter got hungry. In his trance he saw the skies open up, and a sheet was lowered from heaven. Every kind of reptile and and animal and bird you could think of was on it. Then a voice said, "Go to it Peter, kill and eat" Peter was concerned as he had never eaten food that was not kosher. The voice said, "if God says it is clean, it is clean." Finally the sheet was lifted back to heaven. 


Tomorrow we will go over when the men sent from Cornelius arrived, so that this does not become too long and wearisome. My biggest concern is trying to read my own handwriting from notes i took yesterday. This is worth repeating though because even though you may have heard them before, there is new life in the story.
Blessings

William Yerdon--RIP

Thursday night my Mom called quite late and i was sure it was bad news. My first thoughts were of my Grandma Delarm, who is 101. Teflon Gram is still fine though, and it was news from my old house on Preston Hill.
Where Durr Ave bumped into Preston Hill it was a dead end. That was before Mr Sweeney built his insurance and home up there. Bill bought the old Littler place, and moved in with Marietta, his wife, and kids Danny  and Linda. Also they had a lovely dog named Bootsie. I am unable yet to touch many of my memories because I do not want to break down, and frankly I cannot believe he is dead. Way back when i was leaving high school, he heard he had severe arthritis. If you never saw a bad case, itis horrible to watch it take its insidious grip on a man. The man who had worked so hard for his family (and every one he knew) could do nothing to stop what his body was doing to him.
When i was a young girl he put in a swimming pool, and that made my life so much better. Marietta would get home early from work, and then we could go in. They would tease one another a bit, but they were the parents of the neighborhood, and all the kids wanted to be at there house. Bill called me some really terrible names (mostly comparing me to a sack of poop), but many an afternoon they  would listen to my tales of woe. They walked me through my high school crushes, and only laughed after Ihad gone home. Bill, for all his human faults, really listened to me. He knew when to kick my butt, and when to pat my head. After each report card, (when Dad said nice no matter how I did), I would go show Bill. He would always check the lowest grade, and say what happened? but he was teasing and i loved him to bits.
When Mom called to say he had left us, I cried out NO, but it was selfish. I always planned to go back and tell him how much he had helped me in the years i was so alone, but i never did.
Bill suffered a long time with his arthritis, and i pray now his family can comfort themselves with knowing where Bill went, there is no pain anymore.
And heis surrounded in love.
Blessings

Hallowe'en with Uncle Bug

My Uncle Bug was a great guy, and as I was older than his kids, I had him in my life to an age where i have some great memories. He absolutely loved his family, and he left way before he wanted to. He was one of the most alive people i can remember from our old house on Liberty Street. That house figures into one speacial halloween memory i have, and I promised Tammy i would tell it. The old  house my parents owned before Preston Hill House was kinda odd. It had a main door, and then coming off the side of the porch a long walk to the kitchen front door. The kitchen had a back door down to Mad River as well, but the snakes will be another story.
Directly across the street was my Grandparents house and next door lived my Aunt Sheila and Uncle Bug. One day there was a knock at the kitchen door and I ran to answer it. Now the door had a couple windows, and in the top one was a jacko'lantern lit up and carved from a huge pumpkin. from the next window i could see no legs or body so i knew it was floating in mid air. I screamed and Mom came to see what the fuss was. She looked out the window and said, "oh Bug you scared her. Get in here." 
Another memory is when Grandpa's big white dog was scaring me, so Uncle Bug always had a solution, and here it was. "Brenda, you need to shave the dog to show it who is boss".He offered to show me how, but luckily for the dog, and me, Mom called me in to the house just at the right time. I miss Uncle Bug, and if he had stayed around I think my life would have been so much more fun. My Dad was not fun, and Uncle Don had a mean mouth on him, but Uncle Jerry and Uncle Bug and Uncle David hold a special place in my life. My Aunt Sharon was the kindest person, and I still do not know what she saw in him. Maybe it is hero worship in Uncle Bugs case i was so little when he died, but Uncle Jerry, wild as he is, is still my best Reed uncle.
I worried when he lost Aunt Barb we would lose him, but he is coping (that's what Reed's do). So Tammy you have a great legacy in your family and I am so happy you and your sisters are doing so well. I know it was hard growing up, but you are three beautiful girls and I think your Daddy is looking down from Heaven and very happy. He would have loved being a grandpa i think, and you would have had fresh carved pumpkins every year.
Blessings

The Middle East part 5,932

I bet you are as sick as I am of the middle east. My religious type friends do not seem to get it that Israel is a secular state by choice. They feel an ancient mandate to "pray for the peace of Israel" and as we all know Israel, God's chosen people, for the most part needed to repent over and over. Many warnings and prophets were sent. Jeremiah, Lot's wife,Nathaniel, and Jesus himself was prophesied over and over in the Old Testament. They would repent. God would restore them, they would fall again.
Abraham's two sons became mighty nations. His son with Hagar became part of the Palestinian movement today. Even though Abraham cast them out from among his people, God kept them safe fro his own reasons. His son with Sarah, Isaac, became the promised son of the prophecy. The ancient struggle, brother versus brother. You see it in your own homes, one child maybe feeling more loved than another. One harboring or nursing a grudge. In Adam's sons it led to jealousy and murder.
We are not so different today. Although God's chosen people, there is no denying the holocaust happened. Afterwards, understandably many remaining Jews were not as enamored of God and his "people". If left to their own devices, many surrounding nations would flatten Israel like a paper pancake. So we must police them, and keep an eye on Israel because they seem to feel they are accountable to no one. Both sides of the borders can say they have had family members murdered.. Both sides,and the Christians claim a link to Jerusalem. Just look at Ireland to see what religious fervor can do to a nation. I absolutely do not speak for God, but I bet he is not on either side. Who honors their God by killing? Who has a right to take a life but God.
Muslims saying, Salaam, want to make the world conform to their God.
Israel, saying Shalom, wants peace through people conforming to their God.
The Lord God wants the killing to end. The Lord God wants those who follow him to be a positive force in the world. He wants people to show their faith by their actions, and quit blaming God for own bloodlust. Before there are actions, sins are thoughts, the Bible says. It is not a sin to be tempted, it is a sin to sin. Jesus was sorely tempted, but without sin. He got angry, but did not sin. I am sure he was tempted to rain fire down on religious phonies, but instead he went around healing and comforting and trying to reconcile the world back to his Father.
God loves every single person he ever created. What he hates is sin. So even the church who loves to get on tv and at funerals to say who God hates-- are lying. YUP.All God hates is sin, and thats because the consequences harm people more than the pleasures of the moment. I can tell you for a fact God not only doesnt hate fags, he doesnt even call them that. He hates the sin, but knows each person by name. Even the sinners who go on tv ad declare what God is or thinks. His heart is broken to see what people turn his church into. And America is right there in the middle of it all. Despite good or bad intentions, all that money and time and lives has not solved this ancient feud. And as I am writing this, more UN soldiers will die somewhere, in the cause of someones God.
I do not know the answer, but before we decide to change a countrys' borders, before we decide to stir gasoline in the fray, lets ask ourselves why Palestine can not be given a home as Israel was? Which brother deserves a home more? We must love Abrahams' sons equally, or this whole world may go up in flames.
And then we will learn what hell is. Too many people have the know how to blow this world to kingdom come. Anyone out there wanna be an agent for peace? I sure do. I have kids who want kids one day, don't you?

two views on a day

Today is the most special day of the year to me. Today 50 some odd years ago I got a baby brother, and that meant what was about to happen i would not go through alone. Today my whole family will look back on that day and remember things about Bill I will never know and think of all he has done for their life.
Meanwhile at or about 6 pm,Lawrence Brewer scheduled to be executed Wednesday in Huntsville

Read more: http://www.kfdm.com/articles/brewer-44865-byrd-scheduled.html#ixzz1YYKeP3XC

for one of the most vicious crimes i ever heard of, white supremicists tied a man to a long chain and dragged him down a long road until his body tore apart. Literally he was decapitated.

Now bleeding heart people will say thisis because of KKK brainwashing and that culture of hate the south engenders between black and white. Ironically, he has absolutely no remorse for his part, and through beautiful Karma, the man in the White House as he is put down is a Black man who is part white on his mothers side.

If any deserved to end up hating the world itis my brother. We suffered indignities at the hands of those we trusted, and both our parents were a bit nuts for different reasons.My mom was a product of a home filled with abuse as a child, and my Dad landed on his head after a bad fall at work, off a tall scaffolding. When hehad his final stroke the doctors told us "we didnt know about brain trauma back then,"and that explained a lot.

If anyone should have grown up angry and hateful, I would have understood. But my brother went a different direction, and has always worked to unite people and not tear them apart.

My brother has listened to me cry over a failed marriage, a failed kidney and a failed life. He thinks I am wonderful, and may be more than half the reason I never actually killed myself successfully.

My brother is tough,he has had to be. He had to raise our parents,himself and me.For many years he was the only adult in our home growing up. My response to all i saw was to cry. His revenge was to go out and make a good life. Heis a better man than his Father, and a better Father to his sons than he had.

Although many times we had juvenile fights and torments, I love my brother with all my heart. Now as we begin our mid-life, he has Chrohn's disease, and once again he takes all it brings in his stride. What he can't change he adapts to and keeps a great sense of humor about it.

I think my brother may be the closest thing to a real man i have ever known. And he will kill me if he ever reads this, but God knew I could not cope  without him, and my brother loves God with all he is.

The same date means so much to so many different people. September 21 God sent me a new life to treasure on earth, and Sept 21 the government will take a monster out of life.

I am not hear to debate capital punishment.

I am hear to say we choose how we react to life. Bill chose not to hate. This man chose to kill savagely. Funny old world.

Bless you, little brother.Thanks for being my best friend through 50 years and a million other relationships we both had. YOU are my port in the storm.

sad news

i just posted the title of this blog wiht no other info. I am a trout. I have not written since Friday and i have never had so many hits.The truth is,i was hoaxed twice this week and i went after the causes with conviction, when there was no real basis in fact. SO much for my discernment.
And so, yes I am discouraged.
In addition, I attended a prayer meeting for the healing of my kidneys. I feel guilty because I dont feel led to not attend dialysis.
Jesus healed anyone who asked,and yet i have fear and doubt because i know what I am. Jesus knows too. I deserve death, so i would prefer dead kidneys. Oh i want to be healed, but if i skip dialysis i will be unwell. some christian i am , eh? How can God heal me if i am afraid? trust is not based on fears.
So i am taking a wee break, thanks for understanding, and tammy i owe you a story i didnt forget.I need to replenish my well, it has gone dry.
Blessings i will be back sooon.

Friday 16 September

Today the news is sharing how they have found some ancient amber that actually has feathers inside it. Not only are the feathers preserved, but you can see the actual colors of the feathers. What a shock for those who believe the world is only 5000 years old. Science and religion clash again.
The funny thing is we find a bit of truth sometimes and hold on with both hands. God made Science, and yet we look for theorems and formulas. It is our nature to want to know all we can, and invent things that we hope will help mankind. We want sincerely to cure diseases, to solve the problems of homelessness, poverty and crime.
We don't realize that the only thing we can do, or need to do is make the world better where we are.If we all do our bit, the world would take notice, and the pay it forward principle could kick in. It doesn't have to be earthshaking. Be polite to people who wait on you in stores,they are there because they need a job, not because it is fun being mocked.Or if you get good service in a restaurant, tell the manager, because enough people gripe when there is some mistake made.
We don't have to look far to realize there is evil in the world. We can't help it, but we don't have to ignore it hoping it will go away. We can proactively rebalance the planets karma for good or for ill.
Are you a yes person, or a no person?
Say yes to life.
Blessings.

Just a lazy day

All my life before Scotland, I was always answering to another time table. I grew up being told how and when to think and what looked good on my friends was not for me i.e. Jeans.
All my life I wanted a pair of jeans. All the other girls had them, and my Mom insisted they made me look fat. You know what? She was right, they did make my butt look big in this. But what she didn't say is, everyone looked huge in them, and no one cared. They were in style. Awe Style the magical word that said you belonged. i was a freak that read books, whilst others went to parties and dances and tried to figure out sex in their daddys car. Not me, I was trustworthy because I had no options.
Am I the only rebel here? i am too old to pout, but I am still searching for that perfect fit jeans. I am still looking at things to make me feel whole, and that I belong. There is a group I support on Face Book for people who are bullied because they don't fit what society expects is normal behavior. They are bullied and ridiculed for thoughts as well as actions. It is  just wrong.
I have been blessed to know many autistic people in my real life. Guess what? No two of them are alike. They do not suffer some of them because of not fitting in, because they reject our world already. They have one of their own. Some are affectionate, some will not allow you to touch them. Some have a voice, some can't talk in English, though they make sounds their Moms seem to recognize. Some can live independently and thrive, some need care for every aspect of their lives. Some will marry and ave families, but some will not.
Some you just want to shout "hello in there, I am here" but you know they do not hear you. And each of these people have a family that need prayer. Each of them need understanding and compassion. None need bullying, and it could set some of them back. Sarcasm, and cruelty are not funny, and it does not make you look bigger to pt someone else down.
Sermon over for today. I need to find my old jeans. Don't tell Mom.

the Pumpkin Farm

Wow, I got my biggest response ever to yesterdays blog about Cackleberry Castle, so I am not the only one with fond memories of the past Halloweens. Many of the people I made those memories with are no longer in my life. I remember one thanksgiving Barbie and I took Alan, her step-son to the farm, we brought home the worlds greatest pumpkin(according to us), carved it and the left the seeds to the side.
Next thing we knew, Barbies kitty was eating the pumpkin seeds we had pulled out of the pumpkin. Barbie had bought us some fudge and we had cider and donuts. Bliss. Have you ever had cider that you put in the freezer in the fall and brought out to enjoy in the winter by the fire? We used to.
I have a million cousins on both the Reed and Delarm side, and i bet not one of them missed at least one trip there before it was shut down by paperwork and such.
I want to see some pics from the new place, please on my Facebook page. This is short today i need to go to dialysis, but i will be back this afternoon.
Bless.

Great News for Central NY

Those of us raised in Central NY, especially Camden, have many fond memories of the pumpkin farm. Previously i blogged about its demise.
Well I am definitely not a prophet, cause after a long respite--itis opening later this month!!!
I would go if i were anywhere in the continental US--but alas i am across a pond these days. If you have never been , please go. It is a place called Cackleberry Castle (they are eggs, get it), and anyone in Camden can give you directions, go to the top of Preston Hill and turn right, then keep going until you get to a place with a million cars.
I always waxed lyrical about the place before, but i want photos on FB from friends and relatives. If such a thing still exists, you must try Millimans fudge. You must see the totem pumpkins, you must buy your seasonal gourds and you must take home a pumpkin to paint or carve. Your kids and grandkids will remember this place forever, i know because i am 53 and still look at it as some of the best times i had in Camden. I remember going there with my Mother and Dad, and of course the little monster.
There used to be animals to pet and a Talking Pumpkin who solved a young persons woes. Oh i am so jealous. However you get there, get there. I am a little enthusiastic, but it was really that good.
I do not know who is in charge now, but it used to be Mr and Mrs Will, and she was a Home Ec teacher in the day. I assume he ran the farm, and their children all pitched in.
Happy Days.
Bless ya.

September 12, 2011

I think I woke up ten pounds lighter this am. I spent the whole day yesterday with my nerves clenched, waiting for some senseless gesture, some unnecessary tragedy in retaliation for Osama Bin Ladin having recently been killed. If something happened, no one told me,a nd so we are on to the next thing.
Our American cousins are sending us the tail end of the mess that flooded NY and the east last week. Thanks pals, anyhoo, this is brief because I am running late for Dialysis today, but just wanted you to know the sun came up again today in this old imperfect world. It isn't as we would wish, but it is the only one we have. I watched a show last night about the crusaders, and how they could identify their jobs in life by their death, and the injuries sustained in dying. It is so fascinating to me how dried old bones can still tell their stories.
What will our graves tell future generations about us? With cremation a lot of stories go missing, and the occasional burial at sea.
My mind goes to weird places on Monday morning.
Blessings

Thanks Mr Urie

So far the nicest tribute to 9/11 I have read came from Mr Urie of Glasgow. Itis hard to name second best, but for me it is the Budweiser commercial of the Clydesdales bowing in respect to the after math of 9/11. Although Budweiser only aired it commercially once, I am quite sure it has gone viral on the internet. It  is hard to put all the emotions of today  in one blog. Suffice it say to me, the indomitable spirit of America shines on in any crisis. This galvanized a city and a nation.
President Bush used it to push his Iranian agenda, and some people lied to cash in on money provided for survivors and their families. Yes there are evils in the world, but they are far outshone by the lives and deaths of a few real, honest heroes. Yes the Port Authority workers and the fireman. Yes also to people who donated food and their time. Yes also to those who dealt with the after math, like hospitals, sniffer dogs and the men who towed away the rubble. All are heroes and so were many others, who helped one another get out if they could, and comforted those who would not be seeing loved ones again.
Heroes the people of the Pennsylvania flight--not due to land there, but downed by the very passengers they meant to intimidate. Let's roll has been used by many since then, but its true meaning is known to the families of those who never made it to California.
Ten years on, the families of the victims are the real heroes, they have had to find a way to absorb all this pain. The world grieved with them, but in varying degrees to the real parents, wives, sisters, friends and children of those who will never gt home again, including US military personnel. SO much pain from one calendar day.
The world thought Y2K would send planes crashing to earth as the computers than run our world now failed to change over to 2000 from 1999. Within a year so much real destruction was unleashed as to make that day a blip in the road.
I myself do not hate muslims, as that is stupid to hat, and only hurts me. If you hold someone down, you must stay there with them.
Having said that, the particular people responsible for any part of that day I hope are rotting in hell. Not the least of them, Osama Bin Ladin.I am not a hard person, but i shed no tears for him, because with all his money he could have made a real difference in the world, Like the Gates foundation taking on malaria. He chose to shake America out of complacency and he paid the price. 
I am lost now on which direction to go, but hate is not the answer for me. It will cause Osama's followers absolutely no pain at all, and it would kill me to carry that bile around.
So, in conclusion, i can not know the proper way to feel today, nor can i blindly hate all Muslims for the actions of a few. That makes no more sense than me going on trial for what happened to Native Americans, as I did not do it.
So I hide in my little apartment, pray and weep.
Hope you accomplish more with your day.
God bless the world today!

Just a Perfect Day --all day long

Spent the day with everyone i love. The kids met us at Braehead, and we got me something to wear to the engagement party. Jim also threw in some treats like jewelry and make-up so i can feel sorta pretty. Had a nice nap then Jim came home from winning the rugby, and took me to a party at PRFC.I was kinda dreading it, because none of my friends had confirmed they were coming and I didn't want to be the only girl type person there. Much to my relief, the first person I saw was my Jennifer, and i knew everything would be ok.
Jennifer is someone who always calls me honey, and i like it. She has had a helluva summer, but first thing she always asks, is how are you? and she means it. Jennifer is a really good friend, and I have never heard her speak ill of anyone. I am glad Scott brought her to the club so we could all love her to.
Also my good friend Alison made me laugh so hard it hurt, and I always enjoy time with her.
And what can I say about Maggs? she is my love, and she brought a fellow that will keep me warm for the rest of the night, though I do  sit here alone.Woo haw!
And Nellie had hands down the best t-shirt of the night, though modesty forbids me quoting it. 
Scott and Jennifer, Jim and I made plans to go to Skye as a couples thingy so I am so happy. Just don't tell Jim and Scott yet.
And i saved the best for last. This morning we picked up our new Meriva, in a shade called pepperdust. I love it and we are still playing with it, learning all the toys it has like cruise control. JIm smiled all the way home.
SO although i am not bright enough to attach the lyrics of perfect day, it really was.
And i am thankful.And this of all weekends, I can still count my blessings.
Can you?

Rugby World Cup --New Zealand hosts

Frankly, following Scotland almost ten years so far is hard on the heart. The last 5 minutes of the game they usually manage to turn victory around to crashing defeat, and break my heart. One time i felt lucky and asked JIm to place a small bet on Scotland v Italy, and he didn't even bother. That game we won.
I woke up alone about 2 am this morning, and Jim was out watching the Scotland-Romanian game. Scotland was ahead, then they fell apart and Romania scored before the half. Then they came back from the half-time and let Romania rule the game until a tie down-spirited them so much Romania tried and went ahead. I will admit at that point i almost went to bed.
Thank God i held out. JIm insisted we were fine and the five minute mark was approaching.
The last five minutes with some substitutions on both sides, the game came alive. We made our fourth try to get the extra point and forced a score wedge that kept Romania from their losers point. I almost danced in the hall. See previous blog regarding leg.
So as i said in a previous blog, this truly is our year if we can bring that discipline to every game. I love Andy for leading us to our potential, and i am even more eager for the games to roll on. As for the All-Blacks, if we beat England it will confirm to me that any team can win or lose on any given day.
Anyone know when USA is playing? GO EAGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings

Very bad day at the hospital. Saw Dr Mark, thinks i may have an infected leg. Gave me antibiotics on the machine. Off the leg till Monday. then on  next Friday he will come back and see if the treatments are working. Plus i only got one needle dialysis, and i had a fever. People knew i had a fever because i use a blanket in August, and today i was too warm. My temperature runs a bit low anyway, especially with an infection(yes I am weird).
Tomorrow Amy was taking me to Braehead to find an outfit for her and Marks engagement party. Hope Jim will let me go, and to get wax for my hair.Stay tuned for further developments.
And for the kicker, i asked an elderly lady friend how her brother was doing as h e was unwell in America. She quietly replied, "he is dead." Score one for Brenda's motor mouth again.
A bit discouraged today. Sunday i will not be home at all hiding from TV sets.
Blessings

not much to say today

I am trying not to get sick again. What that means is treating the symptoms now, because if my lungs get involved itis weeks of clearing them out. Smokers are my biggest threat once my lungs are compromised, but strangely I don't object to smoking, as I am fairly confident anyone with a brain would stop if they could. I hope my 4 boys never start, but our folks did, and their folks did, so we shall see.


At the hospital this week we had some good news for a change. One baby boy is here (Gramma Jackie), and one is coming next Tuesday. (Rebecca). It is nice to have people to celebrate with as well as to cry with. Anissa is moving to Saudi Arabia, so yesterday she brought in her fellow nurses a cream tea. Cakes, fruited scones and sandwiches all homemade with love. Even with our appetites, it looked superb and i was a little jealous. When i finish this blog i am gonna look at what i have for wool, as even i can knit some form of baby blanket. I give money usually, but when it is a gift for baby i try to include something homemade. It is no coincidence that Billys' and my baby clothes were handed down in the family, as well as carriages and etc. I never got the use of them, but if I had children they were well preserved. A kind of Delarm tradition.
The first one i made was green white and yellow because I didn't know the baby coming was my cousin David, a boy, so I picked safe colors. Now you can know the sex, the birth date and almost the color of their eyes if you want to. I wonder if babies are still so wonderful and mysterious if you know all that. I bet they are. There is nothing in this world i love more than holding babies. The difference now is I have to be sitting down to hold them, as my balance is skewed now, but that is a small price to pay to enjoy them. Some babies look at me like they know deep secrets as they just left God and his heaven, some look angry cause they don't know me, and some look gassy and smiley. Who would not love a baby, especially if when you get tired you can hand it back to mommy.
When Mark and Amy have kids, i will be 8th inline to hold the baby, after the parents, their 4 parents, and big brother Iain, so i don't expect too many fights if i remember the pecking order. I hope the kids want babysitters, as Jim can stop any baby crying in 2.3 seconds.
I can't wait for Mark to be a daddy. He thinks he is grown up now, but most people know you finish growing up with your kids. He has a zoo of animals he cares for now, so I know he has good instincts, and a huge heart. What good times are ahead for our family, starting this month with their engagement party. Life is good.
OK enough of that for today. I hope you have something bright and shiny in your future to look forward to,and if not, feel free to share mine. We have enough Lewis love for everyone.
Y'all come.
Blessings.

The Beautiful Farce

I am so tired of moaners saying my rugby is such a violent sport. I know of maybe one or two people who have been put in wheelchairs in the nearly ten years i have lived here. I will not discuss the particulars of last night because it is an on-going investigation. Suffice it to say a Wales supporter died before the England v Wales game. GAME.
The person had no idea all day it was to be his last day on earth. He even went to the game expecting a good game and hoping to win, no doubt. He died. Over a foolish game. I am sorry but i would come down this hard if people were dying at table tennis or the rugby as well. UK Soccer is getting a bad name all over the world for not being able to control their fans, andit is not just sectarianism. Murrayfield did not sell alcohol in the stadium when i came here. Now they do. In an arena with so much pent-up emotion why add firewater to the flames?
The other total disgrace is the revelation that some over-paid under talented athletes are taking illegal drugs and that the FIFA officials know it. These athletes should be named and shamed. They should also go into rehab.They should not be allowed to hide in our celebrity culture oriented, "boys will be boys" outlook. The real truth is criminals are criminals and random drug tests are needed as they are given in real jobs. What do you say? do you agree or don't you care, frankly?
OK the ranting is over. And as always, rugby wins.
Blessings.

I hate the Jeremy Kyle show.

Having said that, i will admit i sat glued to his show today. It was about some people who had been affected by 9/11. Jeremy had flown to NY to interview people for his show. I didn't make it past the fireman interview. He now has PTSD,  and he lost so many Port Authority co-workers that day. And that is just one man. Another interview was with a family who had a son, a daughter-in-law and a toddler grandbaby who were headed to California on holiday. The little one (Christine) talked to Grandma the day before the flight and (Eunice) said she told her she was going to Disneyland.
 Patrick called his mom twice from the flight, once to say the were hijacked and he would call from where ever they landed, the other time was to say the plane was erratic, a stewardess was dead, and people were vomiting form the constant up and down of the flight. Then there was a scream, then Patrick said "oh,my God" over and over until the phone went dead. At that moment the second plane hit the twin tower and everyone knew the first flight was not a freak accident. They knew then that this was planned and the fates seemed inevitable when we heard a third plane was taken over. If there is anything to be thankful for, I am glad the passengers rushed the terrorists, and no US military personnel had to shoot down a flight of civilians. I think once they realized this was no kidnapping, it helped them do what they felt they must. I think everyone in all three planes was a hero. Not the terrorists of course, but the people who boarded a flight that day not knowing everyone's' life would change forever.
Everyone remembers where they were when they heard Kennedy was shot, and the people of NY will never forget where they were when the pictures started coming out of NYC. I think everyone in the world must have seen those planes at one time or another. This week we will have to see it over and over again. Like when the Columbia crashed,it was all the news on every station, over and over again.
I do not want to forget the lessons of that day, but i also want the families to have some peace. For some, it will never come and they would feel it was wrong to go on with their lives. When i see TV reports of the Booze culture and all the violence alcohol causes, I wonder what those people who died would give to have a shot at life again. It makes me sick to my stomach the evil that men still do. Nothing shocks or disturbs us anymore we are so jaded. Our problem i not the Muslim man or woman, they are nutjobs in every walk of life, but the average person goes to bed knowing tomorrow is another day. For three thousand people, they were wrong, and time was up and it was as random as booking a flight. It was not punishment for any crime, the death penalty was imposed on them without charges or a trial. The old rule of wrong place, wrong time, and the rest is left to history to judge.
Kinda leaves me wondering still...

September 11,2001

I am having a hard time addressing this topic. I am not watching the television specials, I am not talking about it with friends, I am not looking at some hard choices I have made in my life since that terrible day. SO, I am not sleeping, I am passing out from exhaustion, and i am drinking fluids like a fish. I can't sit in a chair without sleeping for a few minutes. I sleep in about three hour sprints, and I am so curled up in  a ball sleeping that I wake up with a sore back.
My mother recently tried to tell me not to mention our past anymore because we have all moved on to new marriages and lives. She sees me exploring the past as dragging out a time we didn't like each other, or we told mean jokes about her. The sad thing is, they weren't jokes. we used to describe to people some of the things she had done, and although they may seem funny now, they do not paint my extended family on her side in the best light.
We were helpless and powerless then , and now we are adults, some members of my family are bravely peeking over the parapet to see if we older kids made it out ok, then they are adding their stories, and I just want to say to my aunts and uncles that every family has scandal, healthy ones talk about them and then they lose their stranglehold on your future.
I held so many things in as a child, that I soon  stopped trusting even people who i should trust. My teachers were cowards, and going to the guidance counselor for help was a total waste of time. Once when Mr Parker went home from school and killed himself, I knew and tucked away a solution for when things got to hard. He had been the most together person I had ever met, he was brighter than the locals, and he was witty and as excited about history as he made us. I knew then, things would never conquer me, and I had a back door of escape. Once a very young girl in my village became pregnant, and my family was gossiping about it, and having heard it, i repeated it too. My mother was so angry, i swallowed finger nail polish to try to hurt myself. Don't ever do that, it doesn't kill you and it burns like crazy, then every time you puke it burns again. Luckily for me I had forgotten all my Dads guns behind the bedroom door. Lucky for us all. I had no idea what dead was,but i feared it less than the bickering and endless name calling between my parents. Now Mom says wistfully, we had some good times, right? As if by outliving Dad she earned the right to rewrite history.In all fairness, we had a better life than my parents did at home as they were raised in huge crowds, and in my mothers case, horrible, horrific abuse. So Bill and I are a bit kinder than they, and they were kinder than what they had. Hopefully my nephews will have had enough love to break these terrible invisible chains we wear like a Jacob Marley affair.
I pray it is not too late. Well in my tangent, i still have not examined 9/11, and maybe it is for the best. Maybe Mom is right.Just pretend it didn't happen.
Blessings.

What if you gave a war, and no one came?

ok
I didn't really give a war, but after an absence last week i went to church a half hour early, as I had a lot of thinking to do.I like the quiet atmosphere with the light musical practice going on in the background. Also, unlike some people I live with, if I am home i  feel i should be accomplishing something. I even asked JIm to pick up some biscuits (cookies for my american friends) to bring along as no one ever asks me to contribute to  the teas and coffees hour. We even had time to go to a quick McDonald's breakfast and still got there before ten a.m.
Imagine my surprise when no one was there. In fact, the mail had not been picked up either. Another family came, and they also had missed last week, so we determined further waiting as futile. Next we went to the PRFC, because i owe Alison money for a charity run her sons did, and yes you guessed it, we waited around reading the paper but no one appeared.
Whilst reading the Sunday Herald, i saw a review of a place in North Berwick called The Lobster Shack, but I knew it was too late in the day to start out for a place so far away, and besides i didn't know how to eat lobster, actually. To my surprise, Jim went for it and we were off. The weather was perfect, the ride was lovely, and i was so relaxed i slept a bit of the way there and home.
The Lobster Shack is right on the harbor, but it is an inconvenient place to park. I have trouble with broken pavement as you know, but I was helped by a good railing and JIms steadying arm. We both got a half lobster, and it had been grilled and was muy bueno. Jim admittedly figured out how to eat it properly, but it was juicy and sweet and lovely. In addition there was a salad i didn't touch, and french fries i gobbled. Hand cut and tasty, crisp and vinegary (we added that).
On the way home we needed petrol (gas) so we forced ourselves to get an ice cream on a stick. Then on the way i spotted a farm store. We bought the most juicy plums and they were so ripe, can't wait for them later as a treat. Then we went to Dobbies outside Lasswade , Edinburgh and bought a cheese knife with two thicknesses.
JIm got a nasty wasp sting Friday, and I shut my hand in the door of the car, but other than that our anniversary was wonderful. The whole weekend was wonderful, I know because i am exhausted. I will sleep well tonight and probably tomorrow too. I hope your weekend was as nice as mine.
Blessings

Cheesy fries my butt

Whitecraigs you should be honored, because knowing it is my anniversary I thought I would have company all day. I did go out for breakfast, and shopping at tesco's, but we bought our cards for each other at the same time, same store, same aisle. I think the robust lusty nature of love may be gone, but i thought my company would be more fun than a rugby game(and cheesy fries). You boys better win, because i invested a lot in this day.
For appetizers we are having cheese , olives and crackers of multi grain type. For mains it is pollo con patatas. Mi esposo adora ep puree de papa. There if you can read that, that is Jims dinner.
For pudding i was gonna make a nice cool lemon jellly, but i have Ben & jerrys and he likes that. 
So here we go again, another year, and that makes seven. I am getting nervous over timing things, and i am not good at telling when things are done since the smoke detector died.(jk)

Happy Anniversary to my best friend

Hello everyone. It is almost 3 a.m.Jim is happily snoring away after a bad wasp sting in the neck at work today. We had a quiet night tonight so I could watch him for signs of reaction to the sting,but happily there were none.
Today is my wedding anniversary. Yes it is wonderful, we have beaten the statistics so far. We were so alone that day at the registrars, no family at all, and Jim's boss Chris was his best man, and my boss Carole was my maid of honor. My friends from the writers group showed up at kickos for a coffee and cake reception. Everyone I loved in Scotland was there. My new little family, but JIm had only me. 
It has kinda been that way ever since. Those early days forced us to bond quicker than couples who are allowed to date and get to know one another. We had been courting on the internet. We really didn't know a thing about each other, except that we could never be apart again.
We both were looking for love when we met, both so lonely and longing for our other half. I had no idea the twists and turns ahead, but honestly, to be with Jim i would have come anyway. My dearest cousin is a police officer, and she said he might be an axe murderer.
My whole family was so screwed up, and now it seems the three of us have that person we were waiting for. Life still has bumps, but we all have someone to lessen the blows for us, and walk through the dark days together. Jim is a guy and all, so he can't say mushy things, but he is the man i thought i would never find. And then he was mine.I made a dream, and he came true. Us, safe, one.
Always.

OK where do i want to go on holiday next year?

Hello my little munchkins. Jim did a million chores for me when he got home tonight, so if he was a bit late to the club forgive me. he just whipped right through my honey-do list. It was 3enough to last all day if i had been able to do it, but he got it sorted snappish and had some dinner with me.
Yes, for those of you paying attention i kept food down today. Down and in. No real accidents, except my shoe came untied and i kept tripping over it instead of kicking it off. 
Jim has introdused me to a new(to us) singer called Mary Black. Every song i have heard so far is my favorite. Prolly will end up being FLESH AND BLOOD, but we shall see.
Speaking of new music--Tom Urie has a cd on pre-order. Sounds like a great gift for the upcoming holidays. I think he is Bob on riverdale or riverdance or something. The clips he has posted on FB are very promising. Good luck tae ya Tom. When you move to Hollywood remember those who loved ya in Angelic Angels with Karen.
OK so i am petitioning opinions on holidays for next year. The only requirement is i must be able to dialyze. No other conditions. Please suprise me..
Blessings.

5 months on...

OK so the PRFC is planning a car boot sale (watch this space), and I never had any idea how much there was to organizing that. For my American friends, a car boot sale is like a lawn sale except everyone is at the same place and they buy a spot for the day to unload their car unto tables for selling and they sell their wares. There is a lot less driving around and you see a lot more stuff you need for your house.
SO first of all we need to get some posters out and spread the word so people attend. We need to determine how big a space to allot each person who buys a spot. We need to determine whether to have a bbq, or just finger food and soup. Do we sell home baking for coffee and teas? We need enough cash on hand to change larger bills people may bring. How and when do we decorate? who will clean it up?
Do you want to unload some stuff before winter? One persons trash is anothers' treasure. So when i hear more i will sure tell you.
 We have won monies that we must match by some percentage first before funds are released. IN practical terms, we can get some plumbing issues resolved, and flood lights for night games, parties, etc. We work so hard, and this will boost our efforts as the club seems to be expanding every year. My dream for down the road is equal facilities for Women and Girls Rugby at the club. It is not for me to play, but i would sure root them on. Scotland national team needs young ones recruited and trained now for the day their nations calls.
OK well that's my day, love to ya all.
Blessings

Jose Feliciano

OK we are on a musical adventure today. I am very unwell so don't ask. Last night i considered asking JIm to take me to the hospital.New topic.
Jose is a classical musician and a genius. This is my favorite song he does on this cd. He did not write it.
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better.
And some have gone, and some remain.

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can’t recall.
Some are dead and some are living.
In my life I love them all.

But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.

Though I know I’ll never ever lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them.
In my life I love you more.

Though I know I’ll never ever lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think of them.
But in my life I loved you more.
I love you more.
I love you more. 


I think you have to be of a certain age to grasp the full beauty of htese sentiments. Music is one of God's greatest gifts, and i think this cd reminded me of how my moods can be so affected by the music i choose, and vice versa. Some songs like the Last thing On MY Mind makes me cry every time. The funny thing is, I am always thinking of someone else.
" I could have loved you better, I didn't mean to be unkind, you know it was the last thing on my mind."


and as my weeds are sadly growing too, I just pray God gives Jim the strength to love me one more day. I haven't had many relationships that i was not left behind in. So I wander back and forth between pretending i don't care if he goes, and begging him not to leave me. Yes i know that sounds psycho. Love makes me crazy because I never get to keep it. It is like i rent it awhile. I have pursued it,  and then watched it sift slowly through my fingers. I guess until i believe I am worth loving, i won't let others that close. OK so we have some work to do on the old self-esteem again. With the anniversary of 9/11 coming, I am a bit frightened where my thoughts are going. Ten years ago I thought I had the world by the butt.Now i have a new country, a new home, a new husband, and a new appreciation for home. I have had to accept that i may never see home again.ON good days i call this home. I mostly try not ot regret anything, as I have seen and done things most people can only dream of. And i am grateful.
Blessings