Yesterday I got blog views like in the good old days, and ordinarily that would make me proud. The simpler truth is I was angry and that seems to get my best number of views. Or maybe I hit a target popular to women's hearts, and one they recognize. We shall see.
I am gonna own up to something. I have not been to church since Skye. Today I am going back, because as you know, the longer I stay away, the easier it is to not go back. I really love this church, in fact, before i Left for Skye I asked the Pastor to consider my membership. The last time I did this we had the Houston Pastor and the prayer team for a lovely breakfast Jim made. Finally people left so we could talk. The first question the Pastor asked me was "are the two of you married?". Here I was afraid the issues might be my growing up in a Catholic tradition, or the fact my husband does not believe in God. Nope, not a bit of that, and the interview went steadily downhill. By the time he was finished with me, I didn't want to join anymore.
Hope hall from the first day accepted JIm as a person. Fair dues so did Houston. But at Hope hall they know he has other interests, and so do they. Their are quite a few ministries they are involved in within Paisley and quite an exciting missions focus. It is like comparing apples to oranges though, because at Hope hall I am myself. I can openly discuss things that bother me, for example, I had a tough time with their policy of communion service every week. In my case here is the dilemma,honestly, when I only had communion once a month it was easier. I didn't have to keep too short an account. I had a month to get over,or if i wasn't the victim, but the one who had done wrong, as I thought over the month as a whole, I could justify my actions or simply forget them. Notice I didn't say repent or make amends in that sentence.
When you have to examine your previous week, you have a lot more accountability. At least I do. I am sure many people are always trying to be like Jesus, but my attitude at Houston was, how much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
I didn't want to be transparent, I wanted a good cover story. Now I want to be more of who I think I can be. For me, for my sake, not to fit in to a club all my friends attend. I want to prove to Jesus for myself that I do not take the cross for granted. After seeing the passion of the Christ, i have a very vivid idea of what Jesus suffered, and that he was totally innocent, but he went in my place. Not as a friend might , but whilst I was still his enemy, and that's the part I don't get with agnostics. Atheists are just beyond my scope, but someone who is not sure about God, and then to see the mass suffering and injustice, I just don't get why they would resist such great unconditional love. Then again, they might not get why I can say I love God, and yet swear like a trooper. Why I can say I follow Jesus , and still harbor hatred in my heart for my ex, and from time to time with the present Mr Brenda. I am just not who I think I am. I am still having a sin nature. I am still human. I am still catty on Face Book. Me. Knowingly sinning. Knowing there is a way of escape, I still choose my own way. Ok, that's my truth, whats yours?
Blessings.
I am gonna own up to something. I have not been to church since Skye. Today I am going back, because as you know, the longer I stay away, the easier it is to not go back. I really love this church, in fact, before i Left for Skye I asked the Pastor to consider my membership. The last time I did this we had the Houston Pastor and the prayer team for a lovely breakfast Jim made. Finally people left so we could talk. The first question the Pastor asked me was "are the two of you married?". Here I was afraid the issues might be my growing up in a Catholic tradition, or the fact my husband does not believe in God. Nope, not a bit of that, and the interview went steadily downhill. By the time he was finished with me, I didn't want to join anymore.
Hope hall from the first day accepted JIm as a person. Fair dues so did Houston. But at Hope hall they know he has other interests, and so do they. Their are quite a few ministries they are involved in within Paisley and quite an exciting missions focus. It is like comparing apples to oranges though, because at Hope hall I am myself. I can openly discuss things that bother me, for example, I had a tough time with their policy of communion service every week. In my case here is the dilemma,honestly, when I only had communion once a month it was easier. I didn't have to keep too short an account. I had a month to get over,or if i wasn't the victim, but the one who had done wrong, as I thought over the month as a whole, I could justify my actions or simply forget them. Notice I didn't say repent or make amends in that sentence.
When you have to examine your previous week, you have a lot more accountability. At least I do. I am sure many people are always trying to be like Jesus, but my attitude at Houston was, how much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
I didn't want to be transparent, I wanted a good cover story. Now I want to be more of who I think I can be. For me, for my sake, not to fit in to a club all my friends attend. I want to prove to Jesus for myself that I do not take the cross for granted. After seeing the passion of the Christ, i have a very vivid idea of what Jesus suffered, and that he was totally innocent, but he went in my place. Not as a friend might , but whilst I was still his enemy, and that's the part I don't get with agnostics. Atheists are just beyond my scope, but someone who is not sure about God, and then to see the mass suffering and injustice, I just don't get why they would resist such great unconditional love. Then again, they might not get why I can say I love God, and yet swear like a trooper. Why I can say I follow Jesus , and still harbor hatred in my heart for my ex, and from time to time with the present Mr Brenda. I am just not who I think I am. I am still having a sin nature. I am still human. I am still catty on Face Book. Me. Knowingly sinning. Knowing there is a way of escape, I still choose my own way. Ok, that's my truth, whats yours?
Blessings.
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