The fourth amendment to the United States constitution.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Writs of Assistance:

The Fourth Amendment was written directly in response to British general warrants (called Writs of Assistance), in which the Crown would grant general search powers to British law enforcement official. These officials could search virtually any home they liked, at any time they liked, for any reason they liked or for no reason at all. Since many of the founding fathers were smugglers, this was an especially unpopular concept in the colonies.

Remember also, this amendment is preceded by the third which was in regards to quartering soldiers, whether it was a time of war or not. In effect, in the early colonial times, soldiers could commander your resources, and stay until they depleted your harvest, and then move on.

The fourth amendment has been challenged by both sides of the law many times. The Supreme COurt has had to specifically define them under every kind of legal and illegal challenge. It has been easier to define the application of the fourth amendment on a case by case basis. If you are a drug smuggler, an illegal alien, or just an average Joe this amendment is there to protect certain rights, It defines what is necessary to obtain a legal search warrant, and every branch of the government and citizenry must comply. In fact, even if proven guilty of the crime, you must be careful how you obtain the evidence. Many vital pieces of criminal behaviors were thrown out, not because they were believed to be untrue, but that they were poisoned fruits obtained by illegal means.

Ok i am not becoming an historian, these things i found in root to other things i was googling. (See yesterdays blog.)Although at times it is probably very frustrating to the judicial branch, the law must be blind regarding persons. That is why sheis so often portrayed with a blindfold. One law for all. When Americans open this document for themselves, I believe real needed changes will come to AMerica.

We were never meant to be puppets.We have slipped back into taxation without true representation,and we may need to throw some more tea in Boston harbor. The Constitution was and is a beautiful document. Read it for yourself.

Blessings

Libyan Legacy

I am sure there are many people in the world who wish their nation could have a second chance.My Father began ranting about going to Washington and cleaning house way back in the 1970s. I just assumed he was a kook, but I was not aware till now what a constitutional scholar he was. The second amendment was created to preserve a militia, and if you are a good citizen, you are given the task of abolishing the government when it is out of control. The ancients set it up with checks and balances, but they still allowed room for a situation they could not predict. They had to equip a new nation with a system of government that would outlive them. They had to define Patriotism.
Shift to Libya, or Egypt or whichever country is beginning with a new start. Everyone is talking about a power vacuum, and fearing retribution and retaliation. I am sure the loyalists in America feared reprisals as well. Families divide in civil type wars like this. DO they want to become like Afghanistan? do they want the nations to change, but the war to be their legacy?
Many evil things are done in a war. Simply removing Ghaddafi is not enough. His whole tribe has had power for so long, and the people they incarcerated with fear and reprisals may want revenge. The number one thing they need to do is remember without food and clean water there will be no one to enjoy this new found freedom. Being free to speak your mind is only helpful if you have something to say, and live long enough to say it.
Recognizing the new government is not enough. Releasing their funds stolen under the outgoing regime is not enough. They need a constitutional convention. They do not need an oral one, they need something written down they can refer to. It also must have teeth to back the words up. Those words will be more important than even the greatest citizen. They will need to be fair to every citizen and not have regard for political, social, or religious bias, and it must apply equally to men and women and all who live within its borders.
This will be interesting to watch. A new nation will be born. They may even change the name of Libya. Good luck to the people who gain power. That is a sacred trust, and the world is watching. China must be quaking in their sandals to see freedom spreading where oppression has had decades of strongholds. 
There is an old Chinese saying "may you live in interesting times." We sure do.
Blessings

Here comes the pain again

I should have suspected something Thursday. I thought I was just tired from doing my chores around here. To do three blogs meant I was not getting up and moving around as much as I need to to not be stiff. Friday my regular transport driver was on holiday and I stood outside an hour before I figured out no one was coming. You should have seen the size of my knee after that.
By nine I finally arrived at the hospital,(don't ask), and our session begins at eight am. SO i only got three and a half hours of a four hour session, because at that point i was already not wanting to even be there.
Then we get done and sit there waiting for the transport driver who was too lazy to get out of his car and let us know he was sitting there. I guess he gets paid if we are in the car or not. My knee could not bend properly to get into the back seat of his car, and the jerk could not help me, although it was obvious to everyone at this point the knee was damaged again. Then we finally drop Cathy off and get to my house, and he sits there again as I struggle to get out of his car. The other patient after me has a lot of stairs to her house and she is a heart patient as well, so I am afraid to know how she got into her home.
It is just disrespectful. I am always dressed, and downstairs waiting for me ride when Jim goes to work. I figure it saves time for the driver and other patients not to have to ring me to come down when they arrive. From now on till the regular guy is back,(bless him) I will wait in my apartment and spare my knee.
I am still so angry and my knee is still aggravated, so for those of you, like Alison, who asked why no blog, I was afraid of what i might say if i wrote this yesterday. I know i sound angry, but i counted to ten , then 100, then 1000.
Believe it or not, this is me calmed down a bit. You have to laugh or you would cry.
Blessings

blog number 3 today

Just listened to Martina McBrides' Loves the only house, and it reminded me of my old (errr former) WAL*MART jobs. We had one policy, if you steal we will parade you through the store with the cops and shame you and prosecute you. No exceptions. Ever!
Well as a bleeding heart liberal crusader i went to the manager to complain."What if they need diapers or their kids are hungry? will going to jail help them?" My very patient manager Mark took me out to the warehouse. In it were containers of diaper packs that got spoilt in transit, dog food, and some house hold items not good enough to sell. Then he sat me down and said, if anyone ever comes to you and says they are so desperate they are tempted to steal, send then to me. I can walk around my store here and from our associates pockets get about $20 bucks without even trying. But just don't steal from me. I do not know where Mark is today but he ran the Cortland Walmart with dignity.
Loves the only house big enough for all the pain in the world. If you need it, ask. How can people help if they don't know. Let go of your pride, you would do it for others if you had it. One day the shoe will be on the other foot. What goes around indeed comes back in crazy ways. I have a friend who is teaching me forgiveness. Her daughter -in-law tried to burn the house down with the family including her baby in it. If some fireman had not risked their lives i shudder to think. And i get mad when people call me names. Sticks and stones indeed. You can be a hero to someone too. Help a child struggling in school, give an older person with no car a ride to the store. DO something, cause one day you will be that old lady. My grandma used to say she didnt ask for rides cause people knew she didnt have a car. Foolish, cutting her nose to spite her face.
Loves' the only house big enough for all the pain in the world.
Bless you thisis my last blog today i promise. I am bushed.
I bet you are too.
Blessings till tomorrow

Melodies for disasters--stolen from FB

The Name Game: Memos to Gaddafi..and other Dictators!

• Chesney Hawkes- I am the One and Only
• Rolling Stones- Gaddafi My Cloud
• Thin Lizzy- STALIN Love with You
• IDI and the Hot Rods
• AMIN the Mood for Love
• Rainbow- TSARgazer
• Free- All Right MAO
• Pass IL DUCE on de left hand side- Musical (Hitler) Youth
• Iron Maiden- Run to the Hills
• HerMANN-OWAR Goering- Heil and Kill
• AC/DC- KIM IL JONG way to the Top (if you wanna rock and roll)
• BLACHSHIRT Cherry
• Aerosmith- PERM-anent Vacation
• Papa Doc Duvalier don't preach- Mad-Dogga
• Black Sabbath- Iron Man
• Pat Benatar- Hitler with your Best Shot
• Led Zeppelin- Gallow's POL POT
• AC/DC- Heatseeker
• Billy Rankin- BABY DOC Back
• The Skids- Into DUVALIER
• Rory Gallagher- Bad Perm-eh?
• Where do the Guilty Go- FRANCO Miller
• NoRiegarets- Edith Piaf
• Metallica- Seek & Destroy
• Sweet Child O' Mein Kampf
• HEAD Zeppelin- FRIZZical Grafitti
• Nickelback- BARNET to the Ground
• RATM- Bullet in the Head
• Joey Tempest- Fuehrer from the Truth
• Rush- PERM-anent Waves
• Doors- Light My Fuehrer
• Did You Eva? by FRANCO Sinatra and Bing HITLER Crosby
• AC/DC- Shoot to Thrill
• The Cult- Fuehrer Woman
• Metallica- Enter Saddam
• Muddy Waters- Hoochie Ho Chi Minh
• SAHB- Baghdad Tea Party
• My Chemical (weapons) Romance- I'm not Okay
• Elton John- Sandals in the Bin (Laden)
• Making your mind up- Bucks FRIZZ
• I just died in your arms tonight- Cutting Khruschev
• AC/DC- Mad-Dog Eat Dog
• Lenin Cohen- The Butcher
• It Bites- Call-LENIN All the Heroes
• Queen- Another One Bites the Dust
• The Animals- We Gotta Get Outta this Palace!
• SAHB- I Never Did Nothin..Ah Wis Framed!
• Abba- Fernando Marcos
• Take Me Out- Franz Ferdinand Marcos
• AC/DC- Highway to Hellmand
• Clash- Rock the Casbah
• Sweet Child O' (Land) Mine
• Genesis- Despot the Pigeon
• AC/DC- Hells Goebbels
• Heaven and Hell- Mob Rules
• Queen- FATWA Bottomed Girls
• Stuck in the Middle (East) With You
• The Cult- She Sells (UN) Sanctions
• David Bowie- Aladdin Saddam Hussein
• RHCP- The (mis)Adventures of Poll Tax Maggie
• The Who- Won't Get Fuel Again
• Steel Panzer- Death to All but Camels
• Julie Andrews- Adolf-Weisse
• Simply Red- If You Don't Know Me By MAO
• Lovin' A Mad Dictator – Aerosmith
• Rock n Roll Saddamnation
• U2 -Stone me Birch me shoot me kill me
• Jimi Hendrix - Castros Made Of Sand
• Pol Potta Love
• Dave Tripoli Roth - Shoot 'em and smile
• Everyday I love you HESS and HESS
• Hitler baby one more time
• Queen- Amin Love With My Czar
• Amin The Mood For Dancing - The Nolans
• Lynyrd Skynyrd- Sweet Home Ayatolla

Zombies again

I do not know how your mind works, but I go off on tangents. My better half says i block him, but my mind is so active i am easily bored by the mundane. I truly try to hear everyone, but sometimes i think i know what they are going to say to me, so I go back to my lists of chores in my head. Maybe that is selfish, but that is how my mind works. I took a hit in my pride for bringing up Zombies (i know two people that got a job with Brad), and then turning the topic to religion.
I told them to deal with it, but i dealt with it too. Was I scheming? nah i  only have 4 followers, and the rest of you i do not know who you are and i assume it changes often. I can't guarantee that any of my kids give me a chance.I just tell my little stories and move on. Zombies fascinates me because i think most people are zombies at one time in their life or another. I know new parents are, they neither eat, shower, or sleep for many weeks. 
But the real zombies are the chronically ill who are not dying, per se, but have to live with a body that becomes a stranger to them. Slowly I am becoming someone who can't move very well. I used to have a Nova and everyone said i could go anywhere in 15 minutes because everything i owned fit in my car. Now i must be driven, I cannot work, and i walk around here half-dead waiting for my hubby to return. Some days it hurts to breathe, some days it hurts to think. Some days i think i am the old Brenda again and tear into my chores. My only sense of worth now comes from JIm noticing if i were able to do anything or not today. Poor JIm is tired sometimes and misses something,and I cry and cry. I do not have friends, I take hostages. If you come for a wee visit to cheer me up , i wont let you go, i talk and talk and talk. I think some people are afraid to return. I don't blame them.
Loud large crowds frighten me, and I sit outside at the club, as that buffers some of the noise. I make a lot of noise, but i can't tolerate others doing it. The Zombie rules. The one I pity most is my family because no one realizes it is harder to be the carer than the cared for. I am sure the boys think our bickering is ugly and they want real love in their lives. We bicker to let off steam, it is never about what we are bickering about.JIm has no one to say, sometimes i am so tired and she has an accident and I have to step in. If i fall he has to get me in the ambulance because i will fight it. He has to listen to me beg for a drink when he knows i asked him to restrict my fluids. He has to stand on his head to get me to eat, because i am diabetic and must eat although most of the time i do not wish to. He does most of the shopping now, all of the driving, and the minute he gets in the door I descend upon him for news of the world. Just once i bet he wishes he could have a half hour to himself to chill, then he could start in taking care of things again.
SO, if you are tempted to support someone, give Jim an atta boy, because no one sees the pain of the carer. He must respond when i am in trouble even if ten minutes before we were fighting and i was giving him the silent treatment.
This is almost the time for the tenth anniversary of 9/11. I became a man hating Zombie then too, and that time i do not wish to remember, in fact i am a little afraid of what I might do on that day. If I only can remember that was the beginning of my new life, which culminated with me in Scotland with the love of my life, I can get a new perspective, it is time to walk out of the pain, and into the light. Jims love is more real than the silly stuff my kids believe in and think they are in love. It is always being there even when you are needed but resented. It is long nights of worry sleeping next to someone who cant breathe,and worst of all, it is when the one you love most makes you feel like the enemy. It is smiling when you come home to no dinner and someone in bed again. Again , and again.
Jim will be put out that i mentioned him in my blog again. But these things are true, and he can't say them without looking insensitive. He has to be "the man" whilst i get to cry and stamp my feet and moan. And he never asks for sympathy, just a little understanding, before he turns into a zombie too.
Love you baby.
Blessings

divorce woes

OK first of all September 4th makes 10 years since the divorce came through. I received my copy September 10, guess what the next day was? Yup. IN the past year we have made great strides and were getting a sense of closure. I was on FB yesterday trying to think of how to word a blog on Libya and guess who hails me? Yes again.
Forgetting my brains at the door I tell him i do not have time to talk. I keep telling him i am going to sign off. He seems a bit desperate so we talk about generic things like his family. 
Then to my surprise I find the person i have been talking to is wife number 3. Having never met me, she analyzes my whole life. Whatever she has been told, even I can see I am a monster. SO now I am tryig to find a way to block a friend i added to FB. What I can't believe is how much leftover anger I still have. SO much for my religion, and i finally woke up to yet another message from a woman who calls herself Dolly. There is so much i want to say, so many points I could refute, but who is she? She is dining on my leftovers. He will reveal in time why she is wife number 3, and no help is needed from me.
So I am not as grown up as I thought. I guess it was a mistake to look for closure. I guess it was a mistake to not believe he meant to divorce me, and it wasn't just his parents. Maya or someone wise said, if a man tells you who he is, believe him. That will have to do for closure, or else i am asking for this hassle. I have to give up the effort to prove i was right to settle for i got out alive. And fairly sane in my opinion.
Frustrated with men but safe.
Blessings.

terrible tuesday

ok
today is not a dialysis day, so I have housework to do. I still need someone to paint my ceilings, but so far no offers. Jim is pretending he forgot so I won't nag him. He doesn't forget every obscure rugby reference in his life, but he forgets to look around the old casa. I am beginning to wonder if maybe he wants to live in his man cave alone. We shall see.
The dishwasher is run, the washer is going , dishes are soaking, and i need to hoover and make the bed. Not bad for a kidney patient, eh?
I did make a boo boo though. As you can probably guess from time to time i get blood on my clothes from dialysis. I remembered to soak the shirt overnight in cold water. I forgot my bra underneath. I am also sure it will be a stain from the wash. Its not that i don't have lovely bras in many colors, but why do you always ruin the comfy bra for when  you are bloated, (yanno) the price for being a girl.
I try to make myself dust, but the legs on the chairs are too low for me to get. SO i dust where i can reach and our lounge looks bipolar. You can see where i have been, mostly.
I don't mind cleaning, but i hate to cook. I wish Jim would develop a passion for it, and i could wipe up after. That would be a happy family. I am sure he wishes many things about me too, like i would stop talking about him in my blog. When winter comes i will have more of a social life.
Did I mention that I was thinking of joining the church--well the truth is if they will have me. I am chuffed and it is nice to wait --to have something to be excited for.Watch this blog. Ok i am getting too comfy here time to press on.
Blessings

dialysis the price i pay

Now as you all know, my treatments and meds and transport are all free on the NHS. The cost I am counting today is a personal one. SAturday I had a ball, but it was sunny and hot so I drank more fluid than I am allowed. I will pay for that today, because it has been three days since my last treatment, and so the fight for how much off in how much time will begin anew.
Believe it or not, different nurses have different policies. There is one nurse most everyone likes because she doesnt treat your arm like a dart board, and she listens when she asks how are you. She is on holiday in Spain just now. When she gets back we have her for two more sessions, then she is moving to Saudi Arabia to work. SHe will still be a renal nurse, but if I were her age again and single what an adventure.
I am so happy for her, but selfishly sad for me. NO more  recipes exchanges, no more comparing notes on our feline friends, and no more of her smiley face in the am next to the gloomy Gus most people are at that hour.
So now we shall see, with our budget I am not sure if they can even interview, and this makes at least the third nurse and I have not been there two full years then. Times are tough all over, but it seems to be Murphy law that the good ones move on...and people like me will never leave. Thanks for listening.
Blessings.

11 pm c'mon

By the time i finish blogging it will be 11 pm. The people upstairs are blasting loud music and have for over an hour. I should call the police, but i am home alone and i fear consequences, plus I really don't want to be a bad neighbor. If i didn't dialyze tomorrow i might be a bit more laid back, but the alarm will go off before 6 am, and the horrible routine begins again.
People are so selfish, so i will lay down and try to think if i am one of those careless creeps,(I hope not).
Great perfect day yesterday, then last night was told everyone in my chat room hates me and I am psychotic. Needless to say when he found me crying JIm went mental. Not happy with what he said, but it came from a loyal place and I just love him to bits.
OK enough whining for one night, hope you sleep better than I!
Congrats to Grant for being so brave for Mommy. You are a good boy.
Blessings.

Pure Bliss in Paisley

Well, today was about as perfect a day as you can get. We had the Renfrewshire Cup at PRFC. The weather was perfect, the burgers were juicy, the teams played their best and there was actually a nice crowd to play for. 
Before I forget, welcome home Kenny Danfield, Stewart Garvey, and it was nice to have our Scottish rugby league man, Gordon Powrie, there to help us. Lets hope they become regular faces as well. A lot of families with about a dozen young girls under age ten. It may well be that we will need a womans' coach for when these girls are ready to play with their rugby brothers. Until age 12 I believe they can play jointly as there is no tackling at that point. These girls are fit and healthy and I hope the boys are eating their Wheaties.
Don't forget to get your 100 club papers to Jack McKechnie as I think there will be a lot of winners--especially the club. I am so impressed with all the hard graft the fellas of last few years have done. The club is ready to be used as a function suite or team building day. Soon the club will be paying for itself, and then the second level renovations can begin.
As usual Mags, June, Hilary and Alison keep everyone's spirits bright. It is just a fun place to hang out. We are a bit of a family now. And as you know sometimes wee family squabbles erupt, but we are just as likely to go uptown and celebrate a birthday, or an engagement, or commiserate with a much needed divorce. We share everything but here is my player of the day.
My friend Gary Riddell had a half hearted wager from a friend if he could drop kick a conversion. The winnings would be a pint.  I bet that was one tasty pint. Ladies the boys are a bit trimmer and fitter at the start of this season. I myself am happily married, I am just sayin'...lol.
Well done Paisley 1st XV, with your taking first place. 2nd XV was third and some other people attended lol.Great day. Thanks everyone for including me.
Blessings.

The landslide will bring it down...

Fleewtwood Mac and the Dixie Chicks recorded this song and I am unsure which version i prefer.

The Landslide

I took my love and I took it down

Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Till the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky - What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know, I don't know
Well, I've been afraid of changin'Because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
So, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down 
It is impossible for me to read these words without my mind adding the music that goes with it. This artist, Stevie Nicks was introduced to me by my
cousin Barbie, and the song Leather and Lace always reminded my of her.
Isn't it funny how music can take you back to the moment it wants you to remember? When my Dad died, I felt old at 35 ish.`Now I am older and my children are too. They do not see all the cycles of life yet, but they have seen a lot of death and hurt around  them. Although they feel grown up, I remember thinking that too.I went away to college thinking I had the world by the butt. I was never going back to those people again.I would show them.
It pains me to think what i would give to have the four of us at our kitchen table fighting over something stupid, or them telling us how simple and stupid we were.
But the landslide brought it down.
Blessings.

short stuff

OK i am running late today. I just want to say to everyone who expected more zombie movie in my column,oh well! That is all I had to say. I just saw it led naturally into how many of us are really zombies--walking around half-dead when we  should be having an abundant life.
I don't criticize your rugby abilities, so I am gonna pretend you both were having a laugh.I know you love rugby, but my words are like my babies and I get a bit too defensive protecting them.
I wish every thing i wrote was a pearl, but i am too realistic to believe that.I just hope I get the job done the best that I can.I can live with that. Sorry talk of my faith was boring to you. The theme was zombies.
Blessings

zombie movie

When a friend said on face book the other day he had to go to work and be a zombie i had no idea what he meant. It seems there is some kind of Zombie theme in Brad Pitts' movie he is filming in Glasgow. Zane is playing a homeless man. All i know is, Brad's films do ok, and so one day Zane will be in every ones home and local theatre. Maybe he will be discovered as he is a brilliant man and a scientific thinker. He i s so much more of a package than you might see as he walked by you on the street. But never mistake his kind eyes for a marshmallow, he can drop you where you stand.
We all get labels based on what we do or say, or the people we hang out with. If you say you are a christian, people who don't even believe in God judge you. During the riots last week a christian man friend called those youth scumbags. Not a nice word. Perhaps spoken in anger. He got as much grief as the people who did all the fires and looting. How can you, a Christian call a person a scumbag. As if loving God makes you a perfect person. No mistakes ever. Set to a higher standard.It is almost laughable if it were not so true.
And lets not stop there. Who does this God think he is? Create a world and then just step back and watch? Why does he allow pain, and death, and divorce, and child abuse, and looting? Where is he? Why doesn't he clean up this mess? Why do good people suffer? It just is not fair. Why doesn't he send help?
Sometimes when we are so far down and downtrodden we forget to look up. My answer is in the cross. ALl that I ever need happened there. Yes sin will reign for a time, but when God decideds it is time he will come back. Every knee will bow. Every one. Yes even yours as you sit there laughing at what seems like my fairy stories. All lies and deception will be revealed. ALl that you think is hidden will be shouted for all to hear. We will be told we had free will, but he felt too overwhelmed at the size of the world poverty that we clenched our money tighter. There are so many homeless(some dangerous) that instead of trusting God to send us someone to help we cross the streetnot to see them. I once was quite proudof myself that i gave a man named Thomas soup tickets when i had a spare room in my house. I was worried in the drenching rain he might get sick. But i did not take him home. I did not open my sanctuary to someone in  need. I gave love from extended arms as a barrier between Thomas and myself. Luckily a church in Glasgow took him in and helped him get a bedsit and a new life. God bless them.
Or say you find abortion offensive. That is easy. It is murder being used for birth control. But as you sit on your chairs, mr couch potato, talk is cheap. Do you have a spare rom you could let a scared young pregnant woman use whilst she sorts out her life? Does it have diapers and onesies? Have you stashed some money for the extra groceries a prenant woman eats? Do you really hate abortion? Or doyou hate that they dare come to us for help? Does sexual sin embarass you?Would someone homeless embarass you in your social group? Would you worry if you took in a gay teen that was being bullied that people might associate you with their sin? If so change churches. Jesus hated religious people who had no heart for the man on the street. He had no home to take them to, so he healed them right then and there. One does what they can. I can do more. Come help me. If you are afraid then give old still good clothes to a charity shop. If you get new furniture consider giving the old furniture to a place that gets people started when they come out of rehab or the hospital and need to set up a new flat.
The teen unemployment is shocking, Hire a good kid to do yardworks and chores for you. Show that despite the meedia showing us all the worlds evils are started from angry youth, that you know times are tough and it is discouraging to be sent away from so many job interviews.
Pray. Pray. Pray. Ask where you are needed. Besides church groups there ar emany civilian programmes. Cab you bake cookies for your youth group? I know kids still love to eat. Can you send someone a card to encourage them, to sday you love them in their struggle?
Ok this turned into a sermon, sorry.
i am mostly speaking to me. As I attempt to joi this new church there is so much to do, so many choices for ministry i am almost overwhelmed. The field are white unto harvest the Bible says. Lets go glean.
Blessings.

The night Muse

I have found a direct association with how much i sleep and the frequency of my blogs. Sometimes I am just too tired to write. Or when I write I am grumpy, or sleepy, or dopey or doc...wait I drifted off again, where were we?
Yesterday one of the ministers from Hope hall came to discuss my wishing to know more of the church's core beliefs, with a view to possibly joining. The reason I say one of the ministers is kinda ironic because I feel every one who worships there regularly is a minister. Does that make sense? Also I never hear "we don't do that here!" I here wow you will have to tell us more of how that could be done. 
I also like the orderly worship whilst a few toddlers may make their escape from the pew and try to go see what the other half of the room is doing. No one flips, Moms are smiled at, and life goes on because we all remember when our kids were that age. The tweenies seem to be helpful with the younger ones(like they are old pros and know the ropes). The older teens don't mind occasionally being used for dramatics and the worship team seems to vary with several ages, but that could be just the summer schedule.
The above my age group are kind and always have time to discuss anything that may be unclear and the prayer team is so dedicated you can feel the Holy Spirit was made welcome before the service.
All this being said, no i do not wear rose glasses. There is a flaw in the church. A bright shiny one. It is me. I expect more than i can deliver. I can't even work out perfect attendance. That seems like job one. Just get to the church, as the season is not a cold or damp one. When the bad weather comes, I will try not to find more reasons not to attend. I think if each of us brings the Lord our best offering of ourselves, Paisley won't stand a chance. They will be loved right into the many houses of God in our community. We just have to stop being ashamed of our spiritual nature. It is as big a part of us as our intellect and our freckly good looks. It is just part of who we are. It is our true self not disjointed by what others might think of us at the sports stadium, our homes and our worship centres. It is being consistently ourselves every where we go. When we integrate ourselves, the world can see whole people working through what life throws at them. I think that is also the great commission. A personal one.
As you leave any worship place there should be a big sign on the parking lot saying, you are not entering the mission field. I truly believe that.
Blessings

A newer day

i have a chat network i enjoy called pal-talk. Today a man named miles-dean used my spouses' unbelief in God to try to hurt me. I am a separate person from him, and I am not embarrassed of him. I love him. I know what he is more than most, and he knows who i really am at home. He is perfect for me right now. That's all i need to know as he tells me the same thing. He loves me unconditionally , well almost. I don't think humans can really do that, but Jim is the closest human i met to the real man Jesus.
Why miles feels insecure by me i just don't know. Maybe because I am a woman God is using, or maybe i am paranoid, but i just pray for someone when i can't win them over. It is all i know to do. No point in fighting with humans, as we wrestle not against flesh and blood the bible says. We wrestle against spiritual wickedness in high places, (and some low ones too). See Satan trick is to deceive, show you the temptation which seems lovely at the time, but not show us any consequences for our actions. When i met JIm i was a man-hater. My husband had just put me aside for someone else. He took the love he promised was mine and he gave it to another. Just like that. Fourteen years down the pan.
Anyhoo so i don't worry as much what people think of me. I worry if they never think of me, but i can adjust to that too, because I am loved. Jesus loves me, JIm loves me, my sons love me, my God-son nephews love me, and my brother loves me. No matter what i do, they may not always like what i say or do, but they always love me. I am blessed.
The only way JIm could love me more is if i was a hooker for the Scotland Rugby Football team. Or any position that would get his season warm boxed seats. JIm loves rugby second only to me.He is my first real adult love. God is number one always, but I believe he sent me JIm. I will believe that forever. Always. Us. One. Safe.
Blessings

4 months and counting...

OK
Sometimes I find it hard to find a topic to blog on, so as once i wrote every day, now i try to discipline myself to at least 4 times a week. Today my topic will seem like fiction, but although i am a fiction writer/poet, this is my true day for Monday.
When I left at 7 am to go to the hospital. I was really in a good mood. It seemed of the 4 of us , I had the best weekend. I will tell you about the Tunisian Market another time. But we were a tad late getting into dialyze, which is not uncommon on a Monday as the nurses caught up on their weekend and all the things they claim they have to do before we go in. So , anyway, Joyce comes down to let us in the ward. As usual, the two nurses favorites are already on machine, and the rest do the best we can. I like to do extra time on a Monday, but i have two other patients i ride with, so I am embarrassed to hold them back from going home as dialyzing is exhausting and none of us is under 50. SO I am being set up, and for once, a nice chat with the nurse, no clotting, and my needles are not painful at all. It was great, I planned to nap and catch up on some sleep(another blog for another day).
The session flies by. One of the patients wives runs errand at the hospital store for us if we need anything, and i gave her a pound to find me a piece of fruit. For that pound she came back with 2 apples, 2 plums, a pear and a lovely orange. I felt like a queen when i could share my bounty with my fellows. Yes I am that shallow.
Time flies and now it is time to go home. My nurse returns my blood to me and prepares to take out the needles. Then she gasps. Audibly. It seems we both figured i would do extra time and she had set the machine up for that. When i told her I didn't have time today to do extra time she reset the machine. Here is the thing, in the extra time, say i do a half hour for example, they just remove fluid but don't dialyze. Then you do your four hours straight dialyzing. Somehow when we reset the machine,no one told it to clean my blood, so now after sitting 4 hours solid, I HAVE to do extra time cause i was not dialyzed. I was on the machine until 3 when my bloods tests came back and showed my potassium and other levels were acceptable to send me home. If you know I am sure you can imagine the screaming fit my nurses expected. I was even sure I would break new decibel levels in the ward. I was just so angry, and anger to me comes out in sound. Then the weirdest thing of all happened. I looked at the nurse responsible, and saw how truly upset she was. In fact, I thought  she might cry. I thought back to all the times i made her life rough just because I could, and because if I were hurting, she was gonna pay too, and then i remembered she was my first nurse when I cried he whole two hour first session.Never stopped crying once, not even to fall asleep. When you have dialyzed a while, you learn the machine has many alarms to keep you safe. That day every time it went off, I screamed. Total fear and panic. Sometimes the alarms are machine related and nothing to do with the patient, like the one that goes off to tell a nurse time to let patient go home their session is complete.
Well if you believed me so far we will go a bit further. I sat there and did not raise my voice. I negotiated a fair time we could both agree to, and I did my extra time. Then I went home. End of story.
All's well that ends well they say.
Blessings.

I have a bit of an announcement

Yesterday I got blog views like in the good old days, and ordinarily that would make me proud. The simpler truth is I was angry and that seems to get my best number of views. Or maybe I hit a target popular to women's hearts, and one they recognize. We shall see.
I am gonna own up to something. I have not been to church since Skye. Today I am going back, because as you know, the longer I stay away, the easier it is to not go back. I really love this church, in fact, before i Left for Skye I asked the Pastor to consider my membership. The last time I did this we had the Houston Pastor and the prayer team for a lovely breakfast Jim made. Finally people left so we could talk. The first question the Pastor asked me was "are the two of you married?". Here I was afraid the issues might be my growing up in a Catholic tradition, or the fact my husband does not believe in God. Nope, not a bit of that, and the interview went steadily downhill. By the time he was finished with me, I didn't want to join anymore.
Hope hall from the first day accepted JIm as a person. Fair dues so did Houston. But at Hope hall they know he has other interests, and so do they. Their are quite a few ministries they are involved in within Paisley and quite an exciting missions focus. It is like comparing apples to oranges though, because at Hope hall I am myself. I can openly discuss things that bother me, for example, I had a tough time with their policy of communion service every week. In my case here is the dilemma,honestly, when I only had communion once a month it was easier. I didn't have to keep too short an account. I had a month to get over,or if i wasn't the victim, but  the one who had done wrong, as I thought over the month as a whole, I could justify my actions or simply forget them. Notice I didn't say repent or make amends in that sentence. 
When you have to examine your previous week, you have a lot more accountability. At least I do. I am sure many people are always trying to be like Jesus, but my attitude at Houston was, how much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
I didn't want to be transparent, I wanted a good cover story. Now I want to be more of who I think I can be. For me, for my sake, not to fit in to a club all my friends attend. I want to prove to Jesus for myself that I do not take the cross for granted. After seeing the passion of the Christ, i have a very vivid idea of what Jesus suffered, and that he was totally innocent, but he went in my place. Not as a friend might , but whilst I was still his enemy, and that's the part I don't get with agnostics. Atheists are just beyond my scope, but someone who is not sure about God, and then to see the mass suffering and injustice, I just don't get why they would resist such great unconditional love. Then again, they might not get why I can say I love God, and yet swear like a trooper. Why I can say I follow Jesus , and still harbor hatred in my heart for my ex, and from time to time with the present Mr Brenda. I am just not who I think I am. I am still having a sin nature. I am still human. I am still catty on Face Book. Me. Knowingly sinning. Knowing there is a way of escape, I still choose my own way. Ok, that's my truth, whats yours?
Blessings.

oh my aching back

OK
We have established that I am not the brightest bulb, but my family does not give me enough credit.My better half moaned and carried on about a bad back. Mind you, he was willing to go with his number one son to a day of stand on his feet rugby festival. Go Irvine.
Anyhoo, his back hurt way way too much to do a few of what he considered to be back breaking chores around here. He did help, but we got home from breakfast at 11 and he was at his sons house for a pick up ride by 12. The poor overworked dear. What a mean wife. No one knows how he suffers. Let's take a moment to pause and feel for him. Whoops , wait no I can't, i still have the chore list to finish and figure out something for his tea.
Yes he works hard. But there are still things I am unable to do without help. I need all my walls washed, and every ceiling but one needs a coat or two of paint. Fine, I can get estimates, or I can believe he really is gonna do it before the commonwealth games of 2014. Yeah, right. I know i am too much of a cleaner, but between him and I there is a balance that could make both our lives easier. I would discuss it with him, but i would have to get him out of his chair as they say.
Yes, I missed him awful.
No, really.
Blessings.

thisis not my day , wekk, etc.I

I am not gonna lie to you, while Jim is away I am having a ball. I can literally do whatever i want, as long as i attend the hospital. I have done exactly what i pleased since he left. I have slept when i wanted, (with the good pillow), gotten up in the middle of the night and played cards if i wanted, and ate and drank to my hearts content.
Yes i know that sounds immature, but I do not have a lot of opportunities to rebel. Now i touched something and my italics are stuck on. Also i was free to spill a whole glass of milk all over important paperwork when my hand started shaking and i let go of the cup.
ALl in all, small price to pay for having a whole queen size bed to myself. Don't get me wrong, i miss Jim a lot, but there is nothing i can do about his job, so i am making the VERY  best of it. He is munching on his favorite chefs mackerel and all these brulee thingys, and i am having ben & jerrys right out of the carton. YUM.


I have also had time to catch up on my correspondence, Letters to America...and I have(p, penciled in a long hot sower for 3.(PM not three people)i am too old to even know what that would entail anymore.
Congrats to all the engaged couples just now, especially My Mark and his Amy. Finally a daughter after all boys on both sides of the pond. When my folks married they had a 5 year plan, then kids and etc. I was born almost ten months to the day after their wedding, so we shall see. I wish them every happiness, and I hope they are as happy as I am with their Dad. I hope they are blessed with children , and i hope they buy a place that will hold a lot of animals, cause they both love wee things.
It is a good day, milk can be wiped up, and life goes on ...with love.
Blessings 

What the hell is going on?

OK Saturday was a super day for us(see previous blogs). Meanwhile for some reason the police felt they had to shoot a man in Tottenham. OK I am sure the facts on that will come out in time, as well. Meanwhile due to some overwrought people on social networking sites, a riot quickly formed and anyone with a phone could know where to go to join in the protest. DO no London police have internet bearing phones? Why did they let it get so out of hand? 
Next night it expanded and became apparent police were not expected to keep control, and indeed the fireman showed fear at fighting fires without a police escort. SO homes and businesses were looted and burnt whilst boris and david were on holiday. Teresa May was on the spot day 2, damn her holiday.
Today it is obvious that this has nothing to do with the shooting Saturday, it is thugs and thieves just grabbing what they can, in some cases taking the time to load suitcases and shopping carts to aid their thievery. Today I am ashamed of some young people. I thought they were better than us, but they are the same as us,sadly. My husband spends hours telling me how kids get a bum rap from the media. Pshaw and Harumpf.
How many police and/or fireman are injured today trying to keep these hoodlums and thugs back.Imagine being hampered in your job by neds and yobs throwing things at you while you tried to keep their community form going up in smoke?
Shame on you.You are a pure and simple thief. And that only adds more grief to the family of that poor dead boy. Clean up your mess, take a shower and go see if that mans family needs some help. Or just keep your lazy ass at home. Make your parents pay for their mistakes, not London and beyond.
Good grief.

too pooped to pop

Just a perfect day, good song and a good beginning to today's description of the PRFC team bonding with the Barclay bank team. They were so much fun right from the beginning. Andy and David Dodd seemed to be in charge of the festivities, and Maggs and June and Hazel and Alison kept the kitchen hopping. Peggy and Cathy were there but Peggy left due to illness, and Cathy left when Malkie went to work.
They had teams and the killer clowns were awesome, the Marines looked tough, and everyone dressed the team part including the beach boys. They are still there singing, but i had to leave early when it got cold. I met two different Claires that i hope to meet again.
Brian brought his Christmas present an eighth-month old son Finn. What a beautiful smile and such a happy child, we played peek-a-boo all of a half-hour. No matter who talked to Daddy ,or who peeked in the stroller at him, he was happy to meet us all. He had the cutest ball covered in bumble bees and such and he loved it.
My favorite game was the Kaber tossing, and i was surprised how many women tried it out. They also played a bit of touch rugby, and some stilt type thing i didnt understand. The weather was grim, but they made it a great day. Even the prize giving is good natured. If you are on the train to Glasgow tonight and see about 7 clowns stumbling home, be kind to them, they had a rough day, fun but rough.
We will all sleep well tonight, umm err this morning when they get home.
Blessings--I really love you guys, night.

woo hoo kinda excited

Today at the rugby club we are having some friends in for a team building day. I am so excited I can't sleep. I have eggs to peel and tuna fish sandwiches to make, and once again I wonder every possible conversation and what I will say in response. Yes, I am THAT woman. I have to practice what I will say so I don't stutter. Sad, but true. Invariably someone will bring up a topic i know nothing about. But it try to be prepared, as much as one can. It is good to have something to look forward to, and I really like the club as far as the people goes. It is not their fault someone doesn't know he doesn't have to be there every time the doors open. I try to look at it as his church so I don't get too hard on him. If it were, he would be the Bishop.
Anyhow, I hope a lot of locals show up for this team building because the more there, the more fun for us all. Roll on Saturday noon, I am as ready as I can be.
Blessings

i say this every time, never again...

Last night as we needed groceries we went to Morrisons. Because we had a lot of other stops to make we decided to eat, there in the cafe. I changed my mince and tatties to mince and rice. When it came the mince smelled horrible and the rice was sticky and stodgy. I didn't think you could hurt rice. The peas i had ordered were just thrown on top of the mince. For the first time I can remember I sent a meal back. The staff had their own problems, as the cash register was computerized and fighting them. Meanwhile while I was standing there reading the menu, a fancified fart with a blue shirt and tie came by and pointed to a place on the menu that said to go to the check out section to order our food. I rememeber asking Jim if I could do something to the guys finger that need not be mentioned here. He declined. The reason I stood there so long was I could not find one thing i wanted to eat, let alone was craving. So I was stalling, thinking.
One lady we often see working there named Janet saved the day. She offered me the same again or another plate I chose. I declined but after sitting there watching Jim enjoy eggs and chips, settled on a lemon sponge and ice cream. Not very nutritious, but i kept it down. Janet is always smiling and calm, and more than half the reason I go there, cause except for Breakfast, I don't care for the menu. The staff have to explain ridiculous timings and some mains are available and some aren't depending on the clock. I don't know how they cope. Well, that's a lie, I do know. They cope with grace and dignity because in these times, a job is a job. Well done Janet. Nice save. I will be back for breakfast very soon. The rest of the day, well, you know...
Blessings

redding up

ok if you are not from NE of America you wont know redding up-it is cleaning your house. I did what i could today including going through a lot of pictures. We are so blessed. Mark had recently said he didnt remember when i was well and we went to the Braes to fly kites. I am happy to report i found those pics as well.
I am so thankful that Jim is a camera buff, because as I age, I am finding i have my mothers spotty memory. The nature pictures are his personal best in my own opinion.
I hope you take some time in your busy life to look back now and again, it will help keep things in perspective. Times shift and life is like a wave, pictures help us remember good times are coming back again.
Recently a friend of mine has made me aware of how many suicides there are in our area. Sometimes they are not reported because they may give desperate people ideas, or so he says. Bridges are such lovely things, (like the one to Skye, you knew i would work Skye into this), and too bad they are used for sinister reasons too.
Spread a smile or a hug around today, a kind word may prevent a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nuff said.
also i reject the NHS idea of possible financial rewards for donated kidneys. No way, desperate people might lie about their medical history. I prefer the opt out plan, where everyone is assumed a donor unless she opts out to donate personally. That seems more sane and logical. As if I am a n authority on that.
Blessings

Don't write when you are mad.

OK 
this seems like a good rule and i hope I stick to it. I know eventually i will see this person again and I will want to patch things up so i must be careful what i say in anger. See my dilemma is i have no one i trust to confide in. I just haven't found anyone who doesn't slip or go behind my back or repeat what i thought i said in confidence. When did we become those people? When did a persons word quit meaning anything? Jim says everyone lies. Well, i try very hard not to. In fact, i am more likely to clam up when someone needs a good lie to make them feel better. Some are a talker outer, and then they find a way to make it all them. When did we lose the ability to talk things out without assigning blame?
Who says because someone is your mother or your co-worker you must always reply when they speak? Why is it a crime to walk past a ringing telephone? Sometimes i honestly do not care who it is, i do not want to talk. Am i a freak? I hate fighting with dishonest people or insecure people. Then every issue is about them, not what the actual issue is. Why do we have to think such evil things about ourselves? What does that give you? What do you when if in winning a fight you disgrace your very being?
Oh well, thanks for listening, i sometimes need to vent. I think i kept my word. I did write whilst angry, but i didn't give specifics or fall into self-pity. I am unbowed. I may have lost this round however.

Molly and me

Well I survived dialysis again, and Molly and me are waiting for Big Jim to come home. One of us is hungry and one needs lovin's and i am not sure which is which. I cannot believe it is August 1 already.This has been one of the best summers I have had in Scotland. The weather is great, Skye was wonderful, Jim was attentive on the road. Then why do I have such a long face? I think it was because before we went i had something to look forward to doing.
Anyhoo, another part is the arrival of my moms last will and testament. Adults talk about these things, but i always thought i would be gone before i had to deal with that. I do not want to get left behind. I also don't wanna miss my grand-kids, but you cant have it both ways. So we will see.Glad the decision is not mine. I would miss wee Molly too.
Blessings