Ok--
I have a fantasy wherein I force people to explain the things they have said to me. It won't happen, and it wouldn't really help. I just can't stop these tapes rolling in my head. Loser, stupid, lesbian, the list goes on and on. For many years in school i was called Tank. The point was I was so angry, and I couldn't say why. I stood out enough as a girl with a brain in the 60's without giving them more ammunition. I was th daughter of a cheerleader and an a lady athlete. I sat in a chair.
I didn't like people. I loved books, especially biographies. I dressed like a boy, and didn't wear makeup. I didn't get asked to Prom, nor anywhere else. I did extremely well in school, because that was an arena i could compete in, The math major was unintentional, but i love numbers because numbers have rules. Math has logic, even chaos has its own kind of logic. For the same reason I loved Mr. Donofrio's class in college on philosophy.Ron Herzmann and Bill Cook team taught a combined History and Language to make a super course for anyone lucky enough to go to enroll in it. I got a four year degree in three years simply because I had no idea of a social life. I didn't trust people enough to make friends.
College was where i wanted to get my Mrs. but i never dated. I had a crush from home but he eventually got tired of my nonsense, and my irrational fears. All the clues were there, but I was raised in a" lets just pretend it didn't happen, Brenda," kind of home. Can't we move on, Brenda? i thought you were a christian Brenda? what would your friends think if they knew you now?
All the clues and signs were there. I was a nothing and everyone pitied me I thought. Finally I realized people are not really mean(most of them)they are just self-aware and can't see the others around them. I wasn't frowned upon, I was hardly even thought about as people go about their daily lives.People are too busy but that is not to be mistaken for dislike, just as I get too busy to notice people around me every day.
The whole world could have probably had a better life with perfect families. But then we would be robots and not people.Flaws make love more real because people don't have to be kind to us, they choose to or choose not to.
Life is too short to hide in a book.Even if I am the writer. Life is short, and it is meant to be lived. Squeezed like toothpaste,try to gargle new experiences like mouth wash. Spit out what you don't like, and go on with your day.
If you never believe anything else i say, believe this. YOU have a story, even if you need someone else's help to tell it. Stop those negative tapes running in your head. Paint, draw of do carpentry but find an outlet. I think we were all put n this earth to be artists. Do what your find to do. Don't dream of being a ballerina if you don't have feet. Find what you were created to craft. For me it is words. For Dan it is paper with colors. For Iain it is designing beautiful guitars. What is it for you?Don't listen to what people say you should do,only, but also dream a bit of what you want to do.
Tell your story in wax or marble or bronze or food or planes, truly the world awaits.
The world will step aside to let pass a man who knows where he is going. I did not write that, and I don't remember where i first saw it, but i believe it with my whole heart.
Are we human or are we dancers? Interesting song and good question, as for me I just came here to dance.
The life you want is there if you are brave enough to lead it.
God bless.
I have a fantasy wherein I force people to explain the things they have said to me. It won't happen, and it wouldn't really help. I just can't stop these tapes rolling in my head. Loser, stupid, lesbian, the list goes on and on. For many years in school i was called Tank. The point was I was so angry, and I couldn't say why. I stood out enough as a girl with a brain in the 60's without giving them more ammunition. I was th daughter of a cheerleader and an a lady athlete. I sat in a chair.
I didn't like people. I loved books, especially biographies. I dressed like a boy, and didn't wear makeup. I didn't get asked to Prom, nor anywhere else. I did extremely well in school, because that was an arena i could compete in, The math major was unintentional, but i love numbers because numbers have rules. Math has logic, even chaos has its own kind of logic. For the same reason I loved Mr. Donofrio's class in college on philosophy.Ron Herzmann and Bill Cook team taught a combined History and Language to make a super course for anyone lucky enough to go to enroll in it. I got a four year degree in three years simply because I had no idea of a social life. I didn't trust people enough to make friends.
College was where i wanted to get my Mrs. but i never dated. I had a crush from home but he eventually got tired of my nonsense, and my irrational fears. All the clues were there, but I was raised in a" lets just pretend it didn't happen, Brenda," kind of home. Can't we move on, Brenda? i thought you were a christian Brenda? what would your friends think if they knew you now?
All the clues and signs were there. I was a nothing and everyone pitied me I thought. Finally I realized people are not really mean(most of them)they are just self-aware and can't see the others around them. I wasn't frowned upon, I was hardly even thought about as people go about their daily lives.People are too busy but that is not to be mistaken for dislike, just as I get too busy to notice people around me every day.
The whole world could have probably had a better life with perfect families. But then we would be robots and not people.Flaws make love more real because people don't have to be kind to us, they choose to or choose not to.
Life is too short to hide in a book.Even if I am the writer. Life is short, and it is meant to be lived. Squeezed like toothpaste,try to gargle new experiences like mouth wash. Spit out what you don't like, and go on with your day.
If you never believe anything else i say, believe this. YOU have a story, even if you need someone else's help to tell it. Stop those negative tapes running in your head. Paint, draw of do carpentry but find an outlet. I think we were all put n this earth to be artists. Do what your find to do. Don't dream of being a ballerina if you don't have feet. Find what you were created to craft. For me it is words. For Dan it is paper with colors. For Iain it is designing beautiful guitars. What is it for you?Don't listen to what people say you should do,only, but also dream a bit of what you want to do.
Tell your story in wax or marble or bronze or food or planes, truly the world awaits.
The world will step aside to let pass a man who knows where he is going. I did not write that, and I don't remember where i first saw it, but i believe it with my whole heart.
Are we human or are we dancers? Interesting song and good question, as for me I just came here to dance.
The life you want is there if you are brave enough to lead it.
God bless.
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