Ok--
I think I have had a fight with almost everyone I know in the last 4 days. I could not believe some of the stupid things people were saying or implying about America. Then I remembered some advice I got once, from a trusted source. If everyone seems wrong except you, is it possible you are the butt head (language cleaned up here for general consumption). I also referred to someone I don't know as a piece of similar anatomy. That is not me. I am no prude, but I don't usually talk like that in anger.
I asked for a scripture to show that I was right and they were wrong. I wanted to thump people with my Bible, in a way to show even God was on my side.
Here is the conclusion I reached, right or wrong. I tell people I came to Scotland to marry Jim, and that is half the truth. I kept hoping he would come to NY as I had strong family and friend connections.
Then came 9/11, and fro me everything changed. I have always been a fraidy cat all my life, but it was for the consequences of things I had done myself. Now I had a whole religion that hated me for geographical reasons, and I didn't even know who "they" were. I can't t ell you the things previously rational people were thinking and doing. It was like the Y2K thing all over again. People bought Spam and bottled water. People bought guns and rifles and very big dogs. In short, people were afraid.
Then I came here, and the Glasgow airport thing happened, and I began to feel like a bit of a jinx. Just when i had convinced myself that Osama Bin Ladin must be dead, Monday morning i woke up feeling sick. I just assumed it was a dialysis thing as the nice weather had lead me to drink more than my daily liter allowed.
I think I do not handle anxiety well, and that's a judgement on me cause as a Christian we are instructed to rejoice always,and never to fear, as that implies we do not have perfect faith in our God. How is that for guilt? and I am never one to run from shame either.
So there is no excuse for my fears except they are not irrational for once. There really is a giant in the land, and we do look like grasshoppers to them.
Now the conspiracy theories begin again, and many are saying my government lies to me daily and that that is the nature of governments, and that I do not even want to know what they are hiding from me. I give up. I think i am gonna retire from politics. At the very least I am gonna take a break, because my answer to fear is to respond in anger.
I liked it better when I thought we were the greatest nation on earth. That was the America I was raised to believe in, and though my Dad died in 1996, he was already saying people were freer in Russia than America. He was disillusioned with his homeland a bit. He had always gone to work and paid his taxes and expected something of loyalty back from Washington. I don't trust them really to say it is day or night. I doubt them in principle. I am not proud of that, but it is my truth, and i have to live with that.
God bless.
I think I have had a fight with almost everyone I know in the last 4 days. I could not believe some of the stupid things people were saying or implying about America. Then I remembered some advice I got once, from a trusted source. If everyone seems wrong except you, is it possible you are the butt head (language cleaned up here for general consumption). I also referred to someone I don't know as a piece of similar anatomy. That is not me. I am no prude, but I don't usually talk like that in anger.
I asked for a scripture to show that I was right and they were wrong. I wanted to thump people with my Bible, in a way to show even God was on my side.
Here is the conclusion I reached, right or wrong. I tell people I came to Scotland to marry Jim, and that is half the truth. I kept hoping he would come to NY as I had strong family and friend connections.
Then came 9/11, and fro me everything changed. I have always been a fraidy cat all my life, but it was for the consequences of things I had done myself. Now I had a whole religion that hated me for geographical reasons, and I didn't even know who "they" were. I can't t ell you the things previously rational people were thinking and doing. It was like the Y2K thing all over again. People bought Spam and bottled water. People bought guns and rifles and very big dogs. In short, people were afraid.
Then I came here, and the Glasgow airport thing happened, and I began to feel like a bit of a jinx. Just when i had convinced myself that Osama Bin Ladin must be dead, Monday morning i woke up feeling sick. I just assumed it was a dialysis thing as the nice weather had lead me to drink more than my daily liter allowed.
I think I do not handle anxiety well, and that's a judgement on me cause as a Christian we are instructed to rejoice always,and never to fear, as that implies we do not have perfect faith in our God. How is that for guilt? and I am never one to run from shame either.
So there is no excuse for my fears except they are not irrational for once. There really is a giant in the land, and we do look like grasshoppers to them.
Now the conspiracy theories begin again, and many are saying my government lies to me daily and that that is the nature of governments, and that I do not even want to know what they are hiding from me. I give up. I think i am gonna retire from politics. At the very least I am gonna take a break, because my answer to fear is to respond in anger.
I liked it better when I thought we were the greatest nation on earth. That was the America I was raised to believe in, and though my Dad died in 1996, he was already saying people were freer in Russia than America. He was disillusioned with his homeland a bit. He had always gone to work and paid his taxes and expected something of loyalty back from Washington. I don't trust them really to say it is day or night. I doubt them in principle. I am not proud of that, but it is my truth, and i have to live with that.
God bless.
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