Ok--
here we are back to religion again. In a perfect world I am becoming more like Jesus each day. Letting God root out my bad qualities and replace them with more of his nature. I will always have my basic persona--I believe we get that by age five.
I am not allowed to fear, in fact I am commanded to rejoice in every situation, for this is the will of God for me. Well, some days I wish i was a pagan because I am so full of fear i could spit. Yesterday we had the routine fire drill alarm, as we do every Wednesday without fail. It means nothing other than rehearsal for the impossible. Then after a short time the alarm went off again. I pretty much laughed as I find most mistakes a bit droll.Then the alarm completed its cycle and began another round, and then another. The nurses faces were frozen in smiles, and that smile just about made my heart stop.
Yes indeed there was a fire, and in a lower level than us so the lifts could not be used. I knew of no way on or off our floor as I always use that lift both ways into the ward.
After a few heart stopping minutes, whilst the alarms went on, they said the fireman were coming but a worker had set off the fire alarm with what he working on. The fireman came and searched everywhere but there was no real fire,and it was declared a false alarm. That is the facts of the story, this is how i perceived it.
I knew I was about to die. I knew they would have to take the weakest first off the machines so they would have a fair chance of survival. I am neither weak nor old, so I would be one of the last, as I am ambulatory for the most part. Sister Jenn said there were stairs at the back of our ward-an old Victorian fire escape but that the steps were not that narrow. Have you seen Scottish women's feet? I think they average a size four whilst I am closer to a size 9. As the good renal patient I am , I also had an accident worrying about what never happened.
Now I have all day to worry about tomorrow, when they think I am going back again. Not this little red duck. Never again. If there are worse ways of dying I can't think of many. Jim will get all irate and try to change my mind, but this fear is crippling. I can't explain how it is to feel you have no real choices. I am not crazy, for once my fears are real. I am not imagining scary men at the end of the road or dreaming of plane crashes. This could actually happen. SO instead of one litre of fluid i must attempt not to drink at all, so that I can avoid needing dialysis. Wish me luck.
here we are back to religion again. In a perfect world I am becoming more like Jesus each day. Letting God root out my bad qualities and replace them with more of his nature. I will always have my basic persona--I believe we get that by age five.
I am not allowed to fear, in fact I am commanded to rejoice in every situation, for this is the will of God for me. Well, some days I wish i was a pagan because I am so full of fear i could spit. Yesterday we had the routine fire drill alarm, as we do every Wednesday without fail. It means nothing other than rehearsal for the impossible. Then after a short time the alarm went off again. I pretty much laughed as I find most mistakes a bit droll.Then the alarm completed its cycle and began another round, and then another. The nurses faces were frozen in smiles, and that smile just about made my heart stop.
Yes indeed there was a fire, and in a lower level than us so the lifts could not be used. I knew of no way on or off our floor as I always use that lift both ways into the ward.
After a few heart stopping minutes, whilst the alarms went on, they said the fireman were coming but a worker had set off the fire alarm with what he working on. The fireman came and searched everywhere but there was no real fire,and it was declared a false alarm. That is the facts of the story, this is how i perceived it.
I knew I was about to die. I knew they would have to take the weakest first off the machines so they would have a fair chance of survival. I am neither weak nor old, so I would be one of the last, as I am ambulatory for the most part. Sister Jenn said there were stairs at the back of our ward-an old Victorian fire escape but that the steps were not that narrow. Have you seen Scottish women's feet? I think they average a size four whilst I am closer to a size 9. As the good renal patient I am , I also had an accident worrying about what never happened.
Now I have all day to worry about tomorrow, when they think I am going back again. Not this little red duck. Never again. If there are worse ways of dying I can't think of many. Jim will get all irate and try to change my mind, but this fear is crippling. I can't explain how it is to feel you have no real choices. I am not crazy, for once my fears are real. I am not imagining scary men at the end of the road or dreaming of plane crashes. This could actually happen. SO instead of one litre of fluid i must attempt not to drink at all, so that I can avoid needing dialysis. Wish me luck.
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