Sunday 22 May 2011

Swan Song

Ok--
I have made friends on FB with someone I will prolly never meet. She is a young Mother of a little guy who was a bit unwell at first, but each year seems so much stronger. Anyways she is starting a new job today, a second one to help out a bit in this economy. She thinks she is nervous, but i think it may be simple exhaustion of a mother of a toddler/homemaker with a job already.
I am not picking on her, but it did give me a lead-off point for our visit today. Why are we nervous? Why when we work hard to get something, then get past everyone you have to to get it, do we doubt ourselves then? Part of it is fear of change, but that is true only in a small part. The simple truth is that we don't believe we deserve nice things to happen to us, or we fear someone may take them from us.
The people hiring in this economy are not stupid. They are not philanthropists, they need help. They search every candidate, looking for the one they feel will help their company grow and prosper.
The enemy at the gates is us. I hope my friend relaxes and enjoys this day. The first day is mainly finding out who everyone is and where everything is. That's about it in a nutshell. NO trap doors, no hidden walls leading to doom, it is just a place you will do hard graft for as little money as they can get away with, then you will go home to your unpaid full-time job as wife and Mother.
I need more confidence myself, so I am thankful for this reminder to me, and I hope I remember this as I go back into the world after a long drawn out period at home after my collapse. I had a nervous meltdown when they moved my dialysis across the road to a new clinic. A simple move, but I just could not do it. On the day my nurse came out and actually walked me in "just to look", of course i would not be moving in. That very day I dialysed with my team. The ironic thing is my friend and my nurse have the same first name, and both were sent to help me remember not to let me get in my own damn way. I am worth whatever blessings are coming to me, and the bad days too, but that is being alive.Alive is good.
God Bless.



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