Ha haha home

ok
if i seem a little delirious, JIm is coming home today. That seems like such a small statement, but it is everything to me. The last week alone was not as easy as last time, and next week he is off overnight again. Molly won't eat and I won't stop. Cereal and milk are not the best choice for me at this time in this heat. I am making bad choices cause I know no one will catch me.
The nurses offered to up my dry weight the other day. What that basically means is the last time they thought that was as fat as I would let  myself get, now i have surpassed it again. I can't let them up it, as that then this new  weight seems like a new goal to reach. I am gonna have to learn a new word. NO.My options are thinning out.NO.they are gone altogether. I have let this pity party over my kidneys go on long enough. NO means no more excuses. Jim jokes about the hotel force feeding him.That is not my problem, after not being able to eat for over a year, everything tastes good to me, even foods i traditionally dont like.
Dare I say it? Yup, i am a glutton just now. That i can stop. I cannot control my medical condition, but i can control what i put down my own throat.
July 1 the new dawn breaks.
Blessings.

3 months on

ok
April fools day I started this blog, and now tomorrow is July 1. What a wide road we have traveled. Along the way, I found some family members I had not heard from in a long time, about 30 years when i left home. I have had to let go of a few bad relationships, and I have had a good talk (in text) with my ex.
None of which i thought was possible a few months ago. Fred and i are apart now almost as long as we were together, and I am so much better off in every way personally and as a family with Jim. I can be a little forgiving, and he and I know why i can never totally forget.
I want forgiveness from some people, and if I can't extend it, how can i expect it? I learned most about forgiveness from my own son Mark.  I do things that must seem hateful sometimes, but Mark forgives me. Not that I deserve it, just because that is how he is inside. He is the open and honest person i know, and heaven help anyone that hurts him.If you think I am fiercely in love with him, check out this real mama. She is a pussycat too, but i never want to see her really mad. She is quiet and you have to watch the quiet ones.
ok that's enough alienating my family for one day. If you cant tell by this sappiness, I am home alone this week again, and the weather is tempting me. I even asked the doc if i am ok to swim yet.(NOPE) We are still working on infection control since my accidental fall.
Wish me luck
Blessings, and peace.

knock if off Jim

There is something sadistic about me. I am so jealous of jim getting to go away from this apartment for weeks on end. He stays in fine hotels, and has people cook and clean for him. ON top of that i torture myself by asking him what he had for meals.

I do not know hte name of the chef at his hotel, but the things Jim describes make my bowl of cereal look pretty lame. Perhaps I am just a whiner by nature, but I actually can see him enjoying these meals. If he loved me he would lie and say he had a cheeseburger or something, but it is not his nature to lie.

I do not envy the long drives he makes, or the many hard hours he spends grafting, but this small reward for all his labours is more than I can bear , on top of feeding Molly and myself. When Jim is away she gets fussy and tips the trash bucket several times a day to show her displeasure.I am, and will never be, Jim for her. She wants Jim.

Last night i put the phone on speakerphone so she could hear his voice. What a commotion. SHe sniffed and rubbed against the phone looking for the source of the voice, and when she finally got frustrated enough, she up and bit me. I am all for loyalty, but she literally bit the hand that feeds her until Friday. OK enough grumbling time to meet my ride for dialysis. Monday, like the genius I am i walked out without my keys so today that cant happen or the door will be unlocked. If that is what it takes to remember my keys, so be it.

By the way, if she bites me again there may be a pussicado for sale. Just kidding, but I want her to be as happy to see her old mom as she is JIm. Jeesh.

Blessings.

Paltalk

there is an online chat forum  have used for over ten years. It is how i met my current husband. Yes I am one of THOSE people. It is how i made and lost many good friends. I think it has a little to do with my divorce.Many people hate pal and have deleted it from their computers altogether. Some use it as a means of meeting people as they travel, or dating strangers whom you know as well as you can by just talking.
The strange thing is, you get to know some people so well,it is like they are family. I have sent Christmas cards and condolences as well as seen the latest school pictures as a file share. People who would not talk to anyone they know, have in moments of stress confided in me like a shrink, as have I.
I am all alone in a strange country just now, the people aren't strange, but these are not my customs and habits. It is weird to hear America referred to as over there. I have been here almost ten years, and although people are kind and loving, i have no roots or ties to my community outside of a small rugby club,Hope Hall church, and the fourteen people i dialyze with just now.
Within that realm is a huge diversity of people, ideas and desires.Believe me. It is truly a small world. If you had told me 30 years ago i would ever leave Camden NY i would have laughed. If you had told me twenty years ago I would ever be divorced I would have panicked. I thought there was no life beyond what I had at that time.If you had told me ten years ago i would sell everything, buy a passport and marry a fellow i met online I would have thought you were crazy. All of these things have come true, and life is not finished with me yet. I cannot even see ten years down the road from here. Who will my sons be with and marry? Will i ever be a grandma? 
"Oblah dee oblah daa life goes on--ahh la la how the life goes on."
Blessings.

Sins of America Part 2

OK, just he title of my blog would tick my Father right off. As if a country needed religion to be moral and do the right thing. My Dad was a super-Patriot before the 80's when it got popular in political campaigns. My Dad hated politicians, and he saw and /or felt that the only job a politician had was to get re-elected. He felt Washington should fire everyone in both sides of the government and start over.
But by God he loved America, warts and all. He was terrified of the civil rights movement, because all he saw of it was rioting in big cities. He didn't understand MLK,Jr. and when he was assassinated, my Dad looked at me, as if to say , see? You don't understand how much he was a part of the small town he grew up in. He worried about the four acres he owned, and if all was well there, he was content. I am glad I never got to see his reaction to 9/11, I fear he may have either gone mental, or had a heart attack. I just don't know. Perhaps he would have grown even more insular, and stayed in his garden with his veg 24/7. When properly read, the Constitution is probably the greatest document ever written(except the Bible, of course). All i know is I would give a lot to have one more conversation about the land he loved. This weekend passing of the gay marriage rights bill he maybe would have taken in stride. I just don't know for sure.
Blessings.

The sins of America

OK
I stayed out of the NY debate over same sex marriage. I was a native NYer for 45 years and the last ten I have lived in Scotland. I understand the desire to nest and make a family. I understand that many believe you are born "that way"whichever way your sexuality is. I understand the unfairness of denying benefits to life long partners like we give those who marry the opposite sex. Since when do we base our morals on fairness?
I know Disney came out on this issue a while ago,when they gave same benefits to all employees. I know that many good, well-meaning people said things on my FB pages on both sides of this issue. The most interesting one was from a friend who said it is time NY moved out of the 60's. Well, I was in NY in the 60's, and it was a time of mass confusion. The civil rights movement, Woodstock and many other outside issues, including assassinations and rock-star deaths made the whole world seem like it was about to implode at times. The world of June and Beaver Cleaver was no longer working for the majority who were watching it on TV and not living it at home.
This is all I can say. This dilemma began for me when the abortion laws passed. I fully understand all the reasons we don't want abortions done in dirty back alleys. I fervently oppose blowing up planned parenthood clinics to prevent abortions also. But this law was never intended to be a form of birth control for multiple times over and over.
I know this may dry up my readership forever,but I have to answer one day for the eighty some odd years I may have on this planet. I believe there is more beyond this earth and the entrance to that world is death in this one. I believe there is a God, a higher power, and that we are accountable for our actions, both individually and as a nation.
I know this will rock some of you being I have supported the "it gets better"campaign. I am always in support of that which gives life to the desperate. I don't believe in same sex relationships, but I do not want kids to die for that choice. When i was young the worst thing i thought i could do was come home pregnant and unmarried. Imagine being afraid of a helpless baby. Now my sons can have sex out of or in wedlock and die. HIV and Aids are still killing people although at a slower rate. So these same hormones that drive the world can now demand your life or in the case of chlamydiae leave you barren. Herpes, unlike love, is forever. I do not think it is my business what your sexuality is. I do not think Abortion is the unforgivable sin we hear so much about. God hates the sin, but no person he ever made is his enemy. He is love, but many of his followers have lost the plot. I just think it is getting harder and harder to stand up for traditional marriage and values. The rights of one are not in the exception of another. I feel many sneer at my old-fashioned ideas. I am old, however and remember how this all started. I remember when the ERA almost passed in America. It failed because they tried to attach to a simple good law, equal rights for women in contraceptive freedom as men  had had for many years, indeed throughout history.They said these laws would prevent child abuse as there would be no more unwanted children. How did that work out for us all these years  later? Why is the most unsafe position for a child pre-natal? We send millions to Africa for sickly babies, but it is a drop  in the pan to what we spend to kill babies. Why is abstinence so offensive? why is it mocked? I know why it is hard to achieve, but why is it not Honorable and prized. It use to be "only a certain type of girl" did it. I guess they didn't need a boy. So some of the hypocrisy has ended, and both partners have responsibility in their contraceptive decisions.
Love waits is an old campaign that works for me. Sex insists and pushes, love waits. 
Here we go.

here comes the weekend

TGIF
really i thank God it is Friday. Tonight I am going to meet someone I have spoken to on FB many times. She is a friend of a friend, and I think i like her as much if not more than my original buddy. She is so bright and funny and I hope i don't come home too tired from dialysis to go tonight. I kinda figure, if you can't beat them, join them. Saturday a company is having a team building exercise using our club and I can't wait to see how it is done, as this could be a source of income for the club that would get more participation than the bag packing does.
All in all, i may even be able to squeeze in 5 minutes of attention with Jim too. Win-Win for me. Have a great weekend and blessings.

Oy Google chrome

OK recently i was watching TV with my better half and a google chrome commercial came on to show some applications google has. One was a site to help prevent suicide in young people. I am all for that. Some children have tunnel vision,and can't see the factor time plays in our lives. They can sometimes only see the down, and cannot find hope in the things around them. I believe it is easier to praise a child than to repair an adult.You may have raised your kids, and the dramas of young people may tire you,but can you rake a minute to point out when they do right?They know when they are sitting on your last nerve, so give them positive attention for their own good choices, and see if you don't see more good choices over time.
Please don't let another child die because we were to busy to be kind to another persons' child. It takes a village to raise a child,so let them in your tee pee if you can help. Buy them an ice cream cone or a coffee and just let them talk. The tattoos and piercings may be a cry for help in some cases. The goth look is hard to understand, but there is a person under there.My boys had excellent parents, and i am lucky they are as close to normal as they are. But they had aunties and uncles and friends in their house all the time. It helps to have a net around you  of love when you are young.
Stop the racist jokes, stop hating people of different  lifestyles or values. Stop hating people from other countries. Stop hating. Fix yourself so that doesn't happen. Stop laughing at those who are bullying. Stop looking away saying kids will be kids. If you save one life in this process,then it will have been worth it.Maybe you were shamed at home, Stop the pattern.make this the kind of world you wish to live in. Please.the two girls who jumped off Erskine Bridge needed us and were in our care. What went wrong? When we know the answers maybe we will be ready for the next mixed up kid. Thanks for listening.

sayonara Daddy

this would have been my Dad's birthday. It was always close to Father's Day, one week later it is Uncle Jerry's birthday. Of all the family he had, they were the closest. Hands down. David being our age seemed more like a son to them than their wee brother. So Barbie, David and I entered Mrs. Coniff's kindergarten class. We all lived within a few houses, and we played together constantly.
I had a hard time adjusting to kindergarten cause other kids kept trying to play with David or Barbie. I didn't mind sharing a teacher with them, but they weren't gonna get into my family.
Needless to say, we were never in the same classes again. We all made other friends, and we adjusted in time. In later years, it became funny, in an odd way, that i would learn all day long and then come home and Dad would reedumacate me. I had no idea that now some 40 years later,teachers bemoan the fact that parents don't pass on their values to their children about what they learn. Every night about 4:30 Dad and Mom got home from work in McConnellsville, first Mom made dinner, and Dad hit the showers. Even if he were going to work on the lawn or in the garage later, my  Dad came to the table with a shower and a clean shirt. We would all meet at the dinner table. Mom and Dad would talk about their day. Then our dinner table became a kind of podium for conversation. Eventually my brother and I got old enough to talk about the things they were talking about too.
Mom and Billy got bored pretty fast, but Dad and I began a series of debates that lasted long after the other two had left home. They even continued after I left home, until the new family he took in made conversation impossible with their dramas. As I went through his things after he died, I found some things that gave me a glimpse into my Dad, both in good and bad ways.
See I was a late bloomer. I never married until almost 30. I knew I was ok, and that someday someone would love me. I didn't panic and when i told my mother that it looked like I would never marry after all, I was married within a year.
But apparently my college education worried Dad. I took a literature courses called Women ON Women's condition. It was pretty stupid as courses go, but I had learned by then to trust the teacher and not the ad in the catalog. The point of telling you this is, one of those books "sisterhood is powerful" had both straight and lesbian authors. I think Dad hid that book in his dresser drawers as if he thought he could keep that out of his house if he hid the source. Poor Dad. Although I couldn't attract many, I sure did like the boys.
Of all the things we shared, if only he could have asked me if I were gay, I could have put his mind to rest. Maybe he was afraid of what he would have to say if his fears were realized.It was better not knowing. I was so angry at the way Dad judged me sometimes, because many facts were kept from him for his own good. Now i realize I never told him what i feared about him. I never told him i wish i could share everything, but I was afraid he would go to jail and it would be on me.
Now, looking back, it was all so foolish. I am repeating the cycle with JIm sometimes. I either clam up entirely, or talk about trivia to protect myself from his reaction to what I am feeling. Slowly he is teaching me that couples fight, and that it is ok. In my family we change partners so often I didn't realize you can forgive and move on. Knowing Jim will stay has taught me to be careful what I say, as I will have to take it back cause he will come home when he cools off. Life is weird. When that is your norm, you think your way is right and others can still surprise you. My favorite thing Jim says is, "surely you knew the reaction you would get from saying that." If he only knew what i think he would know i don't have a clue.
Blessings.

Dog day

I visit a religious site on FB and today i had to chuckle. On the post a friend said,"they don't know it, but my dogs are about to get a bath". She went on to say one of them was in the van and smelled like they had rolled in something dead.
Now the dogs are not offended by their smell, they are not hopping in the shower and looking for towels. They are content. My friend could leave her dogs that way. It would be easier. But for their own good she is gonna make them unhappy. It won't harm them, even if they howl, and it will make them easier to be around. She doesn;t love them less when they are dirty, but what they have done has made them stinking. On their own they cannot fix this, nor are they even aware they are causing a commotion in the car.
OK,isn't that just like God?
We go along in life, happy as clams,thinking all is well, and then he sends correction. He bathes us, and oils our skin, he cares for us as tenderly as a Shepherd does his flock, and we mutter. We moan. O please don't bother me, i am on the computer. Can't we talk later? C'mon God you aren't going anywhere. I want to run with the other dogs. I want to finish this meal i am cooking. My neighbor is a real heathen go bother him.
I like this smell. I am used to it. I didn't kill anyone. NO No No i do not want to get clean. Poor God--we want to change, but n our timetable and only the things we are ready to deal with.
And sometimes he just can't stand the stench. Loves us, hates the sin.
Blessings.

Dads and Lads

Father's Day was a bit different this year, we spent it at the Rugby Club.There was a bouncy castle, a tug of war and all the things that make being together so fun. We even had a Mr Grumbly cause every group has to have one of them. The weather was a bit damp at first, but the set-up committee had foreseen Scottish weather and there were gazebos for protection.
The smiles of hte children and the older kids--one man played in the game at age ??(.GBU Mr Harran), and had three generations there. I missed Sophie, Danny and Caroline, but most of our wee tribe were there. My eye was a great ice breaker, and helped Jennifer sell many raffle tickets no doubt. The bar staff was amazing and Alison proved as good a people organizer as Seve is an excellent House Convener.
. All I saw yesterday was the perfect man in every job. Even the burgers were warm and tasty. I love BBQ, but it is usually a burnt offering like in the OT. Yesterday we made a fortune in coffees and teas.Strange weather for a June Day, but the warmth was from a day alone with good friends (all 100 of my closest lol.)

Hello I am disabled.

I came to Scotland on my own two feet. Now,ten years later, I cannot walk far without fear of falling. I dialyze three times a week, leaving my home at 7 am and not getting home much before two. yesterday they took a "survey" on my transportation needs. I use transport in a car as I no longer require an ambulance. My driver goes far and above my expectations, and due to a severe fall last weekend, even made room in his boot in his personal car for my zimmer. Several times in high winds and rain, he has gotten out of the car and made sure i got to the door of my building safely.
Now as an economic measure, I am fearful we may need to find taxis to the hospital. The irony of this is JIm once offered to take me one way in the morning, if they could take me home, but they said they could not bring me home if they did bring me in. SO the NHS has many strange rules that cost them money. He is unable to come from Cumbernauld on his lunch hour to take me home and get back to work in time to teach his afternoon courses. So a lady from Renfrew, Foxbarr and Linwood share a ride and driver, being as cost efficient as we know how to be.
The new policies of the NHS make the nurses slaves to paperwork. We get less attention and it is difficult to see a doctor in the hospital. The blood work turn around is appalling, and many times our driver is asked to wait whilst one of us has a treatment, awaits a prescription, or just has some cock up from the staff. Knowing we all are leaving together, it seems not unreasonable to ask them to coordinate their efforts a bit better on our behalf. 
A while ago we sat late in the waiting room because the staff didn't check to see if we were in yet. At that time, the sister said if it got to be 7:45 and they had not come for us, to just go through, and they would be ready as soon as we got weighed and sat down. SO yesterday, having arrived at 7:30 we waited until the appointed time, and having gone down, get ourselves weighed. and cleaned our arms to prepare for the nurse, don't we get a lecture of about how they were having a confidential meeting, and we were wrong to go down there without being summoned. Two patients were already in the area because they set up their own machines.
THEN we were chided for cleaning our arms, (a procedure we follow every time), because they wanted to take a mrsa swab on us. I tell you, the tension of the nurses is being visited on us as well. I am not there on a social call, if i do not dialyze i will die, and they are paid to take care of us. There is some "surprise" inspection coming up and they wipe and rewipe every surface. This week they wasted money handing out pamphlets on how to properly wash our hands. I f they had time for their patients they could take a minute before dialysis and just show us, but the personal touch is pretty well gone. There has been a large turnover in staff and we joked yesterday that if they make you head nurse, you will be gone in six months. It is never that they are lazy, but people who don't understand nursing make them jump through political hoops. It isn't fair and I do not see a solution. I just wanted to say...

He is almost here...

Jim has been away for almost a week, and he gets home tonight...woo hoo and all that. I miss the fella and can't wait to hear his snore again and hog all the covers. Who would have ever thought i would miss his flying elbow and talking in his sleep? Who does, dang right it is me?
I know it is his job and it is important, but the minute we win the euro jackpot millions he is only working three days a week(lets not get crazy, I miss him but i need some space too).
Actually I have rarely seen a man who loves his work and still finds it interesting 25 years later. He is still teaching me things I do not know about how Sparky's work, and he has forgotten more than I will ever know about that.
All kidding aside, I just want to see his face and hold him in my arms for about a year or so.  First though he has to get here. It is 3:30 and I do not even know if he has left Hoy Lake or not yet.
Do not bother calling, unless you are bleeding or on fire, I am not answering the phone tonight, and yes, I have call screening. Talk to you again soon.
Blessings.

I am bored

I have to be careful, because traditionally it is when i am bored i get into trouble. I could regale with tales of my misspent youth but i would have to relive them. My brother and i were latchkey kids, but even when thy were around my folks had bigger priorities than entertaining us. Although many people included us in their fun, i cannot recall one family holiday that includes all four of us unless you count Panther Lake.
Mr and Mrs Charles Gerber had a camp at the lake. It was huge and had many beds in the loft upstairs. There was a store across the lake, and Betty-Lou was the coolest Mom ever. I had my first cigarette and Panther Lake was the place, I kissed my first boy at Panther Lake, and I rode Buffalo's party barge and Chucks speed boat more times than i can recall.
Today's incident, however involves Dawn Gerber and myself.  My folks were being themselves again and Dawn took pity on me. We were gonna take the canoe to the other side of the lake. There is at least one lie in that sentence, but that's what we told my folks(not that they were paying any attention). 
So down to the dock we go. Dawn gets in the boat. I hesitate. I needed to lift my foot off the dock to get in the canoe. I still was unsure. Finally, Dawn had used up all her patience and the yellow camp was beckoning.
To those of you not from Oneida County, the yellow camp was the official source of all evil on the lake. I didn't know what free love was, but if it made my Mom that mad, it was worth a look. Finally Dawn had used all her patience and persuasion and told me just to jump. SO I DID.
Big mistake
The butt half of me landed in the boat, while the head side went under water. I could neither lift my head out of the water, nor could i fall back in. I nearly drowned, and finally Dawn figured out my predicament and shoved me arse over tea kettle into the drink. Needless to say, that was the end of sneaking off to yellow camp cause i was soaked, and the only other clothes i had was a bathing suit my MOM picked out. Yuck. One cannot begin their life of sin in a suit your mother approves of, now can you? I finally had my baby fat gone and I was ready to roll, but I never got the opportunity to find out the real truth about the yellow camp.In a way it is wonderful , though, cause the camp can be whatever i have heard or imagined. In real life it might have disappointed me or led me to shame and degradation.
I sometimes thank God for unanswered prayers, but this time the "no" was for my own good.
Blessings.

prfc day two

well, for every good thing I say about Saturday, i never know when to leave good enough alone. Sunday i went back to the club,mostly to be with Jim before he left for England. I was tired from the day before so i brought a colouring book and crayon gel pens. Of course there was no Sophie and her chaotic crew to colour with me so i sat there awhile trying to enjoy the book. 
I got up to get a drink or snack or look for people, and turning the corner to the front of the car park, i took a mighty fall. Yup, right there on the slabs.The very slabs i had just said let me be independent. No longer did i have to go over the uneven grass pitches or sharp stoned driveway and hazard a fall.Or so  I thought. I went down to left knee, then both hands, then i cracked the side of my head. Today i have a black eye and a bruised chin.
I immediately starting asking people to go get Jim. I was pretty sure i was hurt badly, but also as confident i would not die.Jim , Seve, and Paul were magnificent, and they let me lie there a second and get my bearings. Paul blocked my feet so I could not fall forward, and Seve showed JIm how to grip me as they hoisted me a few inches and put a tackle block under my butt, than a second one. From that height i was no longer as afraid to let them lift me, and they put me right in a comfy chair as we waited for an ambulance to arrive. When the crew arrived minutes later, i was sitting back in a comfy chair with my feet up. I looked fine until you got closer. My knee had doubled in size and gone white. Today it is half white an a bit more blue. My chin looks a bit angry, but unless i try to walk i have no pain. Also, I am able to walk, but around here i keep a zimmer handy.
Just to break the tension, i will tell you how Molly loves when it is just the two of us in bed. She also sleeps with Jim, but he is a snorer, a shouter and an arm thrower-so she is a little leery. We had an entire week planned of real deep sleep and last night she jumped on my hip to begin our sleep fest, when i let out a blood curdling scream of pain. Miffed she took off to find sane people to sleep with, and she still is not speaking to me. The other not too funny moment happened when i fed her. JIm always feeds her because i am unable to
bend down to the floor without falling. She in turn runs between his legs to make sure she is getting fed, like a circle eight. She pulled that at her mealtime with me, and again the pain of her brushing against that leg brought tears to my eyes. She looked at me as if to say, "cry later, feed the cat now!"
So off we go on our new adventure, we can sleep in a bit tomorrow, and we can get some chores done.
God is in his heaven, and all is right with the world.
Blessings from me and Molly.

RBS Rugby Force

Today we were at the Paisley Rugby Football Club for another RBS Rugby Force Weekend. RBS sponsors this event and it went well. It was a lot of hard work, and everyone kept smiling. We all got a nice new t-shirt and some really good grub. Allison made some lovely bacon and sausage rolls.
Someone hung shelves, Cathy washed the floor Stef and Alan cleaned and repaired the gutters. Jim did some electrical work. Buckaroo and his buddies did the slabbing work. Hillary did the back breaking cleaning the weeds from between last years slabs.She pushed the lawn back to its proper place. Mags got the bar, spirit store and storage area ship shape. Kathy cleaned the floor mats by the main door, who knew they were purple? they were brown when covered with mud, and now they are gorgeous.
I pooped out first, and left about 2, sadly I hadn't arrived until 11 as we had to buy a car to replace the one Jim had from his work. It is gonna be a colour called pepperdust. It has flex doors, and it is wonderful.Oh, it is a Meriva. I wanted the Chevy Orlando, but i couldn't justify the extra expense just because I am so homesick. SO Jim has a way to work, and I have a new car to cruise around in weekends. I will enjoy running my errands with him, but sadly we will not get delivery until October at the earliest. I think it is due to a lack of Japanese parts.The lovely man at Arnold Clark was named Martin, and he made it a pleasant experience to buy the car.
Anyway, nice to see you all again, thanks for not deserting me when i quit writing awhile. I really am trying to stick to this every other day blogging promise. For my sake, honestly this does me a world of good.
Blessings

It is good to be King.

Hello people

What an adventurous week I have had. Today is Thursday so there is no dialysis. The ham dinner i told you about Tuesday was the best meal I have made in a while. The gravy had no lumps and the ham wasn't overpoweringly salty. Jim had a minestrone starter, and all was right with the world.
I do not feel pressured to top that meal as I once might have. Jim has taught me to do the best I can every day, and to include breaks, because real jobs give breaks too. Jim is pretty good at advising me on most things. He even will listen to spiritual things and give an honest opinion. I am really blessed, but we both have flaws. I had to quit expecting Jim to be perfect, because not only can i not give perfection in return, I would resent him if he were perfect and I were not.
Jim has the ability to look at some topics objectively and with logic and reason. I far too often lead with my heart and emotions. Jim knows he is smarter and stronger so e doesn't have to bully me. I am insecure in those areas so I seek approval and oneupmanship. Jim once said to me he would never hear me say even once," you know Jim, you may be right.". and so far you know what, he was right.
In all these areas we are so well suited that I have learned to listen to Jim's advice. He enjoys my writings, but my punctuation errors set his teeth on edge. I was so insecure at first, I would not post unless he had read it first. But by forging ahead a few times and taking the knocks, I am gaining confidence. Jim needs to be needed, but not in every decision I make. He has less stress now as I forge out nto new topics and ideas alone. He is my safe harbor, but my imagination is free to float any shore.
When I grew up, i was told i was stupid enough i know am convinced of it. We did the same thing to my brother. Thankfully he rebelled and got out of that house and around people who knew how to treat him, and he learned what family is supposed to be, and then he taught me when I was ready. I went away to college as a young woman, and i earned my BA in only three years. Not only was I smart enough, I knew how to work hard. That combo saw me through the loneliest years of my life. I do not trust people so I had trouble making friends. My Mom would not allow me to buy jeans and she told me they made me look fat. I foolishly listened and went to Geneseo dressed like a polyester nightmare. Nothing i brought was like the other girls, nor was it similar enough to be my own style. I stuck out like a fat sore thumb. Every single day under master teachers I learned something new each day, and in many classes. Ron Herzman and Mr Donofrio changed my life. One showed me how to understand Shakespeare, and the other taught me not to be such a smartass-- in those exact words. This knowledge has been very valuable to me many times in my life and I got so much more than an "education" for my money. I got a glimpse of how people do this game called life.
And I am forever in their debt.
Blessings.

God danced the day you were born.

Ok--
We are back and in the flow again. I have not posted since last Thursday, but I have been going out into life again. Saturday my men at PRFC had a dads v lads game and it was so much fun, unless you were the Whitecraigs coach that came home on two crutches.
Les and Linda made a lovely BBQ, and just made the post-game time special. His lads are headed to Portugal, and they earned the money to go. They seem like such a nice bunch of fellows and I hope they wear and need to wear lots of sunscreen.
I also got to meet the new bar staff. Jeannette is still there, but in addition We have Mags and her sister Joan. Not only are they hard working volunteers, but they breathe life and vitality into a stale environment. She is the soul of fun and a bit of freedom that has been severely lacking in those who tried before and were pushed aside by the old regime. The bar is clean and spotless, and the fellas love her as much as we do. I wish paid staff could be so much fun. I think there is great potential there and I am excited to see what Mags will plan for the coming weeks.
Sunday I went to church am and pm--which i never do. I just love this new church. I learned about Southern Thailand and Malaysia, and the difficulties when one neighbor is devout Buddhist, and the other is strict Muslim. I do not know how God will open doors in this area for Christianity, but i applaud those who will try. It was almost as if i were there,the couple made it so real for me. God bless them as they start out.

The minister is starting to teach us about generational    thinking, something that was lacking in my previous church experience, and now i better understand why people perish for lack of vision. Rome wasn't built in a day, and cathedrals can take generations. But they have to start somewhere, and so sometimes we begin a matter and sometimes we follow through on another's work,and occasionally we get to be in on the conclusion, but whether or not we see it through, we do our part for our generation.

Monday was dialysis day so i slept the afternoon away, and so today after a few chores I am all yours. Thanks for coming back after I have been so quiet so long. I didn't want to just blog, I want to say something. I hope it starts conversations, I do not want just people to agree with me.
Jim is coming home to a real dinner tonight, and that has been awhile. SO I am happy, and I don't mind my gravy is lumpy, i have a sieve. Why am I stressing oout and making a roast? Because even though Jim is dead tired on his feet from when he was sick last week, when i got up this morning, he had emptied the dishwasher, brought the clothes out for me to hang, emptied the garbage and wrote the directions down for the place i was supposed to go to today. Oh and he is a bit of a looker too. I am blessed, and I am sorry i forgot for a time.
Blessings.

OK--

Hello friends and readers. I can't do the daily blog just yet but i am trying fro every other day. By the way, Happy Birthday Alfie Dodd, I remember when you were born. I cannot believe you are 6. Alfie is third generation PRFC material. His Grandpa is president and his Dad is a star, just back from some surgery and ready to kick butt and take names. Alfie already is treating the club as his home away from home and has many friends there. 
That's part of the fun of the Rugby Club in Paisley, it is a real family. Girlfriends who are later wives attend, and there are slews of kids and puppies. We laugh at and with each other, and we girls cry together too as we see our men get flattened on the field, or do some facial rearrangement. The thing i had to learn was not to carry the game back into the bar after--it literally stays on the field. No tensions boil into the clubhouse, as Cathy is more scary than a prop forward and there are house rules.
We now have a bar staff and so we are open even when there are no games, but i do not know the times and dates, see the PRFC website for that info. I know i love PRFC and i usually feel better when i go there.
There is a girl new to me i adore who calls everyone honey, and boy does that make you feel good. Thanks Jennifer. Alright thats my post for today. Please feel free to come and train with us if you need some cross training, and if you want to see what rugby is about come and watch. we have a purpose built decking area, and you are welcome.
See ya there.
.