The Pimply Evil Murette-and her step-sister American hater Wrathy

Today I was loaded for bear. I tried to get JIm to let me skip dialysis. I warned him I would pop off at someone, but he wasn't having it. I went out at 7, to meet my driver, and i was still standing there at 8. I was mad enough to spit. It doesnt help that Pimply Murette and Wrathy  didn't answer their phones either, and with my imagination I knew they were both dead n their lounge floor. What the truth was, they simply went in without me. New driver, bad attitudes, and there I stood. Jim could tell you how much time I have wasted worrying over the two of them, and in fact, both their home phone numbers are in my phone, in case of emergency. For example, if Pimply M answers when i call it simply means the driver is running late.She is so self-centered, it didn't occur to her that Sister Attitude had called people to chap on her door and be sure she was ok.
The other one, a dwarf, really just reflects the malice of Pimply M. She has no thoughts of her own.She is old and wrinkly and tired, but the cow made the mistake of referring to one of my fault as an American thing. Sadly, I almost made inquiries about her little lawyer boy who lives with his mum still.
The minute JIm gets home, I am gonna give them what they think they want. Both of their names will be rejected off my phone log. I will say something every time Pimply M holds us up to smoke her fags, and (hurray) I will be getting picked up first from now on, so I will not be the one standing outside in the cold. Every time Pimply pulls something, Jim says, "why do you even talk to them?" Excellent question. I am always dressed and ready at the gate when the driver pulls in, unlike some. The not so good news is I will have to sit in the car when Pimply M makes the driver stop so she can buy cigarettes. Ach well! I am laughing so hard at the names I gave them, I can hardly stay that mad.
Oh yes I can!

Papa Carl Thomas

Sometimes in life, when I am far away from my family, I make a family of my own.  Just actually 5 minutes ago i heard Papa Carl had died. In a few hours after dialysis, I have to post something to Sandy, and knowing Royal Mail, it won't get there until middle to late last next week. I have spent hours on Pal-talk learning at his knee, listening to his music, and fighting tooth and nail with him. I do not know anything really about his real life, but this is what i know from Pal-talk.
Papa Carl was a Texan.He was also a Christian man. He was married through thick and thin to Sandy, and he adored her. He was a Pa, and a Grand-Pa. He loved his dogs, guns and horses, but not always in that order. He sang when I first met him, and he still tried when the spirit moved him.
Our last convo was when I decided I could no longer handle that snake Milesdean, and Papa talked to Jim and I over an hour trying to keep me from leaving Pal and my friends. The very last thing he said to us was that he loved Jim and fully expects him to come to know the Lord one day.
I have never clapped eyes on him in my life, but I see his profile pic and I can just see him saying, "excuse my French", when he said something to make me laugh.
I love you Papa Carl. See you soon.

Long to read, but ancient wisdom

Please enjoy these words I found posted on FB today:

1. Rise with the sun to pray.
Pray alone.
Pray often.
The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.

2. Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path. Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy and greed stem from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.

3. Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others to make your path for you. It is your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

4. Treat the guests in your home with much consideration. Serve them the best food, give them the best bed and treat them with respect and honor.

5. Do not take what is not yours whether from a person, a community,the wilderness or from a culture. It was not earned nor given. It is not yours.

6. Respect all things that are placed upon this earth - whether it be people or plant.

7. Honor other people's thoughts, wishes and words. Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them. Allow each person the right to personal expression.

8. Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative energy that you put out into the universe will multiply when it returns to you.

9. All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven.

10. Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind, body and spirit. Practice optimism.

11. Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us. They are part of your worldly family.

12. Children are the seeds of our future. Plant love in their hearts and water them with wisdom and life's lessons. When they are grown, give them space to grow.

13. Avoid hurting the hearts of others. The poison of your pain will return to you.

14. Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the test of one's will within this universe.

15. Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual self, Emotional self, and Physical self - all need to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out the body to strengthen the mind. Grow rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.

16. Make conscious decisions as to who you will be and how you will react. Be responsible for your own actions.

17. Respect the privacy and personal space of others. Do not touch the personal property of others - especially sacred and religious objects. This is forbidden.

18. Be true to yourself first. You cannot nurture and help others if you cannot nurture and help yourself first.

19. Respect others religious beliefs. Do not force your belief on others.

20. Share your good fortune with others. Participate in charity

by: Stefan Dunca

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Below I will copy and paste a brief point to a speech given when the nation watched a Catholic trying to enter the White House by the front door, as chief resident, and somehow kept Richard Nixon, the shoe-in at bay. How he did this was to confront the issues America feared about a Catholic president, as I feel President Obama has tried to do. Faith especially in America, should be a private matter between a man and his  own sensibilities, and here I now quote him verbatim.


[B]ecause I am a Catholic, and no Catholic has ever been elected President, the real issues in this campaign have been obscured -- perhaps deliberately, in some quarters less responsible than this. So it is apparently necessary for me to state once again -- not what kind of church I believe in, for that should be important only to me -- but what kind of America I believe in.

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute - where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish -- where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source -- where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials -- and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated a s an act against all.

I have been blessed with many friends who vehemently oppose religion as do I! Some who oppose any idea of God whatsoever, and although it troubles my Spirit, the America I believe in allows this in the very Constitution. It is a fundamental right to your own thoughts being sacrosanct, but if you need a holy man to tell you how to vote, you need to stop and go back to your God and find out why you are not hearing from him directly.

I take counsel from many,(even atheists), but i trust my God for my answers.

Blessings on the penultimate day of February.

Wednesday, 29th February, 2012

Yes this is a leap year, and a whole day has been added tot he month to make calendars more accurate, or whatever. Since most people believe or are afraid this is mankind's final Mayan moments, i will give you something to take your mind off the impending grisly death.
In the new world of America we had comics since almost forever. One of them was called Li'l Abner. He was a mattress tester for a bedding company, but the most important thing his comic did was to make nationwide an antiquated southern custom called Sadie Hawkins Day. Sadie is a hero,especially to shy men of a certain age, who can neither ask a girl for her hand, nor even for a date tot he ice cream social, Ox roast they have every year. Sadie stepped in, and the tradition caught on, seein' as how it is only once every 4 years.
What Sadie done was go over the mountain a piece and ask the man of her maidenly dreams to marry her. He said, "I reckon so,I will ask my Mama!" The two were soon wed, and the rest is history up here in the great piney woods. So, you single girls, pluck up your courage, pluck up your eyebrows and pluck you up a few roosters to make you some chicken and biscuits,(just to aid his along). Remember kissing don't last, cookin' do. Many more childrens would be old married couples by now if they didn't have to wait for a man to leave his mama, and go out and get a date.
The thing is, a man can shoot him a big old bear, and yet he can't seem to talk all pretty like to a woman. SO girls, do them a favor and settle 'em down with a bunch of young un's, a farm and a few days off a year to go off fishin', drinkin' and daydreaming, and you will have one content hubby.
I myself would go with ya, but i already gots the man of my dreams. Good luck to all, lets start them sewing machines up and get quiltin' for the impending weddin's.
Bless ya.

Galen R Richards

This is a fellow from my FB friends list. He posted something last night that I did not see till 5 am my time. He asked what charities were needed in our local area. I had no idea if he were serious or not, so i messaged him that it was 5 am here and I would have a think and get back to him.

I live in the Paisley, Renfrewshire, Scotland catchment and there are many charities with shops where they sell things to support their cause. I never yet saw a charity shop for the homeless. I remember about ten years ago, someone in America said to me, the churches have been donating food for years, don't they ever get enough donations? The person was well-meaning, but weary of a cause that seemed unending in scope. It was before 9/11 and the ensuing world wide recession, brought on by the greedy 1% of the world.

See i believe there always was, and always will be enough to go around. Jesus said there would be poor always, but poverty need not be destitution. So here is my proposal for the charity I would like to work at.  It would be a charity that has an open door for the homeless. They would not need to stay, but it would be a resource so that someone saw them each day. It could also be a liaison for services the county provides, and for their rehousing. It would
blessings essentially need a place to meet; showers, food, and clean dry clothes as it rains here more often than not. We would need a washer dryer, towels and toiletries supplies. All of us have extra soap and shampoo, etc, we got as Christmas gifts that we never intend to use, and just a cup of coffee, tea, or hot soup would thaw them out a bit, and give them a sense of community.
 Social care workers would be welcome too-to come and tell the latest news from the council regarding issues relevant to the homeless, and it would tell several at once, thus clearing the case load for a lot of people trying to get the word out to everyone.
We would also have a community bulletin board with news and events relevant to the people we would see. I expect in time every race, faith, creed and colour to either attend or volunteer. This work schedule though very relaxed could work as a reference for eventual employment, though many may not be suitable for that, at least in the beginning.
I bet a lot of you are laughing at me, an you may think organ donation is my only issue, but long after i get or don't get a kidney, there will still be homeless amongst us.
Ok , now it is your turn, what is your charity, and how would you help?
Blessings from Brenda

Jean Chamberlain Brazie Spivey

It is the birthday today of the aforementioned woman, whom I have known most of my life, but more so after she married my cousin Billy.Her home was so welcoming and we had so many laughs and good times, and as her two wee girls were born, I just couldn't think life could get better. I was so caught up in my own pending divorce, that I missed some signs that now seem obvious to me. Although two people can be fine people, they may not be fit as spouses. Now she is married to a man I do not know, and lives in Texas which might as well be the moon away from me.
However, often something she shares or something I share brings the memories flooding in for both of us. We are no longer related, but I love Jean like a sister still. She makes me laugh, makes me think, and makes me glad to be alive. She is younger than I am, but she is street smart and savvy. If they could let her, she could save her daughters a lot of the heartaches we had in life, but we all have to make our own mistakes. It was true for her and I as well. 
Ask her about her wood stove kielbasa recipe for starters-yum.
She is a grandma,(ha-ha) but truly i am a wee bit jealous as I am not a Mom.I wish in this last half of her life, with her kids grown and gone, she can go get all she has only dared dream about before, as she deserves bliss as well. She has gone without a lot of times so others could have their dreams, now it is your turn angel girl, I can't wait to see what that will bring. I love you, Brenda Bean.

Caledonias been everything I ever had.

OK
I thought I was blogged out on the subject of Craig Grumoli. Then after I heard this song on you tube I decided I had been thinking incorrectly about this whole thing. I was so concerned with myself, family, and others, that I forgot this is all about Craig.
If you have never upped stakes and moved to a new place, not just a new town or area, but away from everyone you knew, then you can't fully understand the particular kind of homesickness you can get, even if the move was to your benefit. 
I was glad to hear that Craig had gotten home for a visit around the end of the holidays, because in my mind at least, that would solve all my problems to go home and see my mates again.
Like Caledonia for Craig, Camden's been everything I ever had. In reality though, most have left Camden or moved on, and so it is more the memories I cherish and hold onto. The reality is much different and what i think i know now is that Craig is home, forever, and will become part of the land, sea, and sky.
As long as anyone can remember him, he will remain alive. Some faiths even believe we live on after death in a happier place. I picture heaven with Craig preparing a pitch for the Rugby with Tom Blair, now fit and forever young. I see his big grin, thinking "I am so gonna waste you Jim Lewis" when he arrives. Some may go sooner, and some tarry here awhile, but eventually i see a party like we have every Saturday after a game, with all the regulars and about a thousand Ricci's and Dodd's, (by then Alfie's grand kids joining in). If heaven is not really like that, no wonder Jim doesn't believe. Heaven is supposed to be bliss. Bliss is what Craig deserves, and i will be able to walk up and hug him standing on my own two feet, and I won't have to ask him for a chair anymore.
Having said all that, if heaven has a back window, I see Craig slipping out once in awhile to check on the rest of us. Caledonias been everything he ever had.

This is post 210

It will soon be April 1st, the anniversary of the day I began this blog. This is blog 210 according to my stats and I seem to have 7 followers. I am very appreciative, since twice this year already I gave up myself on blogging. I sometimes treat this like a dictionary, an encyclopedia and my journal all rolled up into one. I am not a reporter like Stef, nor am I the bible scholar my hubby thinks I am. What I am as a writer could probably best be defined as a ponderer. I have always turned things inside out to find out what would happen, if....
For example i put some water(less than a teaspoon) in my Mother's instant coffee. The next morning,there was a solid block of coffee in the glass jar. Didn't get caught that time so my career was not squelched. My brother and I were angry at her for lying about taking us swimming, so we tilted nails into each of her four tires. It took awhile, but one by one the tires went flat as a pancake. We were too young to know how dangerous it was to get a flat at the speeds Mom usually drove.
We were not evil, but our parents were each crazy in their own way, and I think we came by it naturally. My Grandpa fled child support and his kids for years, and his Dad may have been nuts as well, as I do not know where on the tree it began. All I know now, is that not only did he beat my Gram, he was dead sober when he did it. Is it any wonder his kids are so neurotic? If you search the Delarm family tree, very few got out alive and unharmed.
I am so morbid today because I think I hurt JIm a little too deeply today. He needed me at his side at a cremation/funeral tea. I have become increasingly unable to leave my home. I go to dialyze, and that is pretty much the extent of the social life. Jim won't get up and get going Saturdays, so he generally ends up going shopping alone. I need to be back before the crowds and long lines start. Kids running amok in Morrison's is not my idea of a fun time. People actually, literally walk in front of my cart thinking I can stop on a dime. Too few are the kind people who ask me do you need help to reach that? But they are also there, which keeps me sane enough not to run a kamikaze ring throughout the bakery aisle.
Sometimes, people just see I am tired and ask if they can escort me to my car. One fella, seeing i had a desperately long line to wait just to turn in the electrical cart offered to turn in the key for me, as he had cigarettes to purchase.  So for every idiot or three there is a nice person, and they often do not even know me. SO please pray JIm gets over this manflu he got back, and we will speak again soon.

OK itis time to move on

Hello my blog buddies I got a good nights sleep last night-twice!
I went to bed very early and got up and played some games, saying to myself at every point i was going back to bed. Then our internet went down and i went back for four more hours. Tonight i am gonna go to bed at a more regular time and try to adjust my internal clock to people hours.
I have not gone back to Pal-talk yet, but i am honest enough to admit some regrets. I miss some of the people some of the time. I miss Bishop Keith and JP most of the time, and the rest depends on the kind of day they are having how they will behave.
I on the other hand have some good news. My young friend, Ben, is going to gymnastics and he is loving it. He and Mom really enjoy this new outlet for Ben to show skill and perseverance. I like anytime someone tries to determine how far they can push their bodies toward health.
Speaking of which, JIm is sick again, and part of me feels guilty because he goes outside to smoke, but if he could smoke inside i believe he would take advantage and over do it. He just doesn't smell how his coats and clothes get, and since he is doing so well dieting I am trying to leave him alone.He went to McDonald's this morning, and i just had cheese and crackers so that is probably me for meals today.
At least when he is sick he does not worry about food.  Sadly he is still smoking despite a bad cough, and what i think may be sleep apnea.
I wish he could find something he enjoyed to do to help tone him up a bit. Housework seems to do it for me, but few people truly enjoy it. I also love the smell of a clean house. Bleach and pledge are my friends, and pine-sol  says the house is loved to me.
Perhaps i have sniffed to much bleach, eh?
God bless, Brenda

Friday Part two as promised

Ok in the interlude since i posted, i have received fresh info. I got a message on FB that some admins formed a new room. (How I would have loved to be there for their resignation), and so now they think there is no reason for me to stay uninstalled.
HELLO
I have an addiction to chat. In fact I am dreading this weekend without it, so I will more than likely blog each day. I am glad there were others who had had enough. However, it does not justify me being a bad steward of my time. It does not justify giving them time and not keeping Jim up on my day. I just need a quiet place to rest, to get back to my first love as well. Long before there was a JIm, or Fred, or Bill, or my messed up parents, there was a God, my God, who walked me through these growing-up days. He is my friend, Councillor, companion, Savior. I just got a little blind-sided thinking talking to these people were like talking to Him. Only He is like talking to Him, and I miss those first days, before i took him for granted.
So, Summer you stay an admin there and pretend you don't work for MIlesdean. I received your message not to contact you again. Message received. I am sorry for your loss as I am worth knowing.
Just so you know I am being honest, I would love to go back, and often i think of things i would like to tell some or all of you,then i remember JIm binned the program. He did it at my request, but I am happy. He seems happy as well, he has warned me many times about them, but now, this time, I listened.
OK I am still a bit tired, so see ya next time.

Exiting Pal-talk Part One

Thursday I need to hoover and iron Jim a work shirt, but then I am gonna l try to rest if I can't sleep. My mind is racing, and my body keeps trying to pass me out into oblivion here in my chair, but when i go to the bedroom I am wide awake. A bit of it is Jims snoring, a bit of it is excess pain, but for the most part my mind won't stop.
Let me bring you up to date. A few weeks ago I heard a Bible talk on thankfulness by someone i will just call Bishop Keith. You should know that Bishop Keith and Toodleloo are nicknames we use in a chat room, on a site called Pal-talk. On that site there is a room called "Maple's Come Let Us Reason Together!", and reason is a word i think is ill-advised.
I think it is a resting place for people with neuroses and psychoses and some just plain weirdos. I personally went in there a lot when i was unwell, as it is good company. As time went on it became less good company and more of a kind of internet addiction.
Yes, my name is Brenda, and I have a problem. Just  like I thought I could love my first husband into the "mold" I hoped he was trying to achieve, so too did I think if I shared Gods words of encouragement, those people would be real friends and we could chat daily as it gets pretty lonesome around here. The room owner Miles is a little Napoleon. I imagine him as a wee man cast off from his real family and forced to live in exile in Tasmania, (a gathering place for devils of all kinds). He makes these outrageous rules for his admins in the room, and when they finally succumb he changes them again.
He runs his room like Camden School District, no support for teachers or staff, and I am proud to say i never was anadmin in that room. I don't know how  a real Christian could do it, but when he is not around he has one of the best rooms on Pal-talk. John, a fellow who goes by JP Mills, tried to start a teaching ministry in another room owned by the same people. We will see if he is allowed to use his gifts, or if something else will go by the wayside. Anyhow I told Jim to uninstall the program from our new computer.That is part two for tomorrow as I need a nap now . Stay tuned.
God bless.

Ole Peoples Valentine

Hello my blogging friends.Hope your Tuesday is going well. I am about to hop in the shower and beautify myself for the old man. It will take much longer than our first Valentine's in 2003. I will not get the same amazing results. My disease has taken a toll on my fave and gravity is not my friend.
Instead I will put on a bit of war paint, and hope the meal impresses him. I cut veg a long time today, garlic, red onions, beans and a big roast pork shoulder to slow cook. After the shower I will need to peel a few taters. Then i will call him to get a nice wine or a yummy dessert on his travels home.
Every ten years of my life Valentines has been so different. The full meal means one or both of us will be sleeping on the couch to rest for bedtime. Sigh. 
Ok wish me luck finding the outfit i look least fat in. And God help me with this rats nest hair.My three S's have now become Sit, Shower, and shave, but that is the price we pay for being this age.
Unlike so many of my friends of both sexes, I have someone here who loves me. Not far away on an internet chat room, but right here right now. Also, unlike a lot of men, he works and makes a home for us so that we can be together. We had a slogan i cherish though we don't use it as much as before, Us. Safe. One.
We both paid a terrible price to be together and to say no to bad lifestyles that were unsatisfying and lonely. The kids make sure we are poor, but we are rich in their love so that's not the worst trade-off I have made. The kicker is now their mother and I are pretty good friends. Think about that for a moment.
So i have deep friendships with some people i dialyze with, and the great friends i have met through the internet. And Hope Hall is my newest love.
So all in all, I have a lot of love, from a lot of sources, and  I am one lucky puppy.


Oh, and of course Molly doesn't want to be overlooked.
So to Molly, Justin, Jacob and Iain and Mark, thanks.For the first two i am God mother, for the second two i am step-Mom, but either way I am a Mom.
My favorite title is wife, though and with that I will close.
God bless.

The dark black cloud

To those of you who read my blog and have said you miss it, no one misses it more than me. I just write and delete a million times, because everything seems so said already. Or worse yet, i try to take prisoners down into this depression. My house and my life have gotten away from me, and now my words have fled too.
I have a friend named Zane whom i have mentioned here before. He has many times said the right thing at the right time and never even knew it. If you saw him, without his family, you could be terrified. When i first met him i just stared. He got a part in a zombie movie and it wasn't a huge stretch that he would be believable. On top of that, he pummels his body with martial arts and rugby etc.
Well someone from the rugby club died suddenly at age 26 and I just wanted to come to my Gram and cry my guts out. Impossible.I accept that.
I read something Zane posted and he also included the song "everybody hurts sometime." I feel better already.It is perfectly acceptable to feel what we feel. I am angry about so many things, but being little Suzy Christian i thought i had to pretend all was well. I am so angry because every decade of my life, no matter what else was happening, had a special gift although sometimes i had to search for it. I feel bad for his family, i feel bad for the club fellas, I feel bad for myself. So many times I see death as a way out of this medical nightmare for me. When i go down that road i can't see it hurting anyone, and I convince myself Jim , Bill, and my boys would be better off. Through Zane's words, I saw how much the anguish never leaves the survivors, and although i wish Craig great peace, \i also wish peace to those who Monday have to go back to work or school and carry on. It is what we do, a moment of silence, maybe a prayer, a few good thoughts, some memories shared and boom, we move on.
Life goes on, it has to, and thank God we all have kids and jobs and reasons to get up tomorrow. We can tread slowly for awhile and recoup, but then we must pick up the pieces of our own daily walk. Where was God I am tempted to ask, or why didnt anyone sense something, when in deed and in fact it is all up to the person and a choice. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
We loved Craig, and the others, but for one moment too long, they forgot. There is really nothing more to say. The pain can be more than we think we can stand, and if i ever think that again i will ask Zane to be my personal trainer, and show me what pain really is. Zane i am so glad i know you, you found me a wonderful church i love, and you gave me level headed words to go back and rethink my previous concrete ideas about right and wrong.
Think of my boys today at prfc, and remember to tell those you love that you do love them, and not just because of some valentines Day.
OK that is all i have, and it is all my heart.