I recently quit wrote my elders to explain why i had not been going to my new found church. I am sick, a lot and i feared they would worry i was unwell, which happily is untrue. I will always be sickly, but i am plenty healthy enough to attend church should i so desire.
I played a lot of games in my head as to the why I was playing hooky, but after looking at it from a few angles(trying to place the blame somewhere else) no matter it is no longer about what first annoyed me, not to attend is a choice, and one that I regret bitterly.
In addition I have been really feeling well enough to attack my house a bit more, so I am not blogging or Face Booking as much. The upside to blogging is it gives me an outlet to all the thoughts that buzz around in my head, and without blogging the whispers and tapes start rolling again. I was once told that I was so stupid I stank. I was once told I was a God-send. I was once told I was just mean. In school, people with no self-respect called me tank. It made me different because I was fat, and because I had a brain.
The only person who mattered to me growing up was Chucky. He said I was alright, and so I knew I was. His Mom was my babysitter and she lavished love and attention on all of us kids, not just her own. I miss her to this day, and many things have come up I wish I could talk over with her.
As Fall approaches I am a bit homesick for the apple-picking and making grape fruit wreaths after the grapes were picked. I miss popcorn and cider made at the Stoltz residence. A lot of my best memories are at Ellen's with no kids or men around. Jack liked when I came because I would pitch in. I could clean and Ellen could cook and Jack seemed please we spent time together. Plus, Ellen had a modern dishwasher, can you imagine?
I sometimes get mad at her family for how they treat her, but she puts up with it and seems happy with Jack so I don't push it. I have yet to meet the man who just chips in without suggestion, although my illness has made Jim more essential than I would have liked. I do not like knowing I would be sunk if Jim left me, so I comfort myself hoping ot would be somewhat hard for him too. It is so hard to trust someone would be here because they love me, so I foolishly keep trying to win the man I already have. Re-reading that last sentence sounds crazy to me, too .
Well, I am hoping to get to Murettes house to visit this weekend, and to get my fat butt to church Sunday. Time to face the music before they really do forget me. Thanks for your prayers for Murette, she is coming along great, and is home already from the ward. She doesnt ride with us any longer, as she requires a two-man ambulance the now. I am (yes I know) kinda missing her. Oh well, more news as soon as I make some. Bye for now and blessings.
I played a lot of games in my head as to the why I was playing hooky, but after looking at it from a few angles(trying to place the blame somewhere else) no matter it is no longer about what first annoyed me, not to attend is a choice, and one that I regret bitterly.
In addition I have been really feeling well enough to attack my house a bit more, so I am not blogging or Face Booking as much. The upside to blogging is it gives me an outlet to all the thoughts that buzz around in my head, and without blogging the whispers and tapes start rolling again. I was once told that I was so stupid I stank. I was once told I was a God-send. I was once told I was just mean. In school, people with no self-respect called me tank. It made me different because I was fat, and because I had a brain.
The only person who mattered to me growing up was Chucky. He said I was alright, and so I knew I was. His Mom was my babysitter and she lavished love and attention on all of us kids, not just her own. I miss her to this day, and many things have come up I wish I could talk over with her.
As Fall approaches I am a bit homesick for the apple-picking and making grape fruit wreaths after the grapes were picked. I miss popcorn and cider made at the Stoltz residence. A lot of my best memories are at Ellen's with no kids or men around. Jack liked when I came because I would pitch in. I could clean and Ellen could cook and Jack seemed please we spent time together. Plus, Ellen had a modern dishwasher, can you imagine?
I sometimes get mad at her family for how they treat her, but she puts up with it and seems happy with Jack so I don't push it. I have yet to meet the man who just chips in without suggestion, although my illness has made Jim more essential than I would have liked. I do not like knowing I would be sunk if Jim left me, so I comfort myself hoping ot would be somewhat hard for him too. It is so hard to trust someone would be here because they love me, so I foolishly keep trying to win the man I already have. Re-reading that last sentence sounds crazy to me, too .
Well, I am hoping to get to Murettes house to visit this weekend, and to get my fat butt to church Sunday. Time to face the music before they really do forget me. Thanks for your prayers for Murette, she is coming along great, and is home already from the ward. She doesnt ride with us any longer, as she requires a two-man ambulance the now. I am (yes I know) kinda missing her. Oh well, more news as soon as I make some. Bye for now and blessings.
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