Shall we say men and women are different and leave it at that?

How is it possible to love someone so much and what to hit them with a spade at the same time? More politics from the rugby front and I am to keep a smile on and say nothing. It is not me he is having a pint with tonight, and the cat is even able to tell how mad i am and tip-toe around the joint.

Some blessings.

Knitting Needles!

We had a lovely breakfast at the Coffee Bean in Renfrew this am. If i tried to be more awkward I could not have succeeded. I came into the restaurant to find three members of staff taking a wee break cause the place was empty between breakfasters, I thinking the whole world lives for my humor, walked up to the table and said,"I am gonna sit here because it is easier to eavesdrop that way!", seriously thinking I would get  laughter thunderous applause and the like. One girl stared at me like I had two heads, and the other two were polite cause I am a customer. If only I was as funny as I think I am.

Then miss Big Bosoms no brain came to take our order. I do not eat the  big lumberjack breakfasts JIm likes, but I felt like living a little dangerously. SO instead of a bacon roll I ordered a doubler.That would be the bacon of two rolls, but not all the bread. The waitress said that the doubler comes with two fillings what did i want with my bacon, to which i said bacon. I meant to imply twice on the bacon. Then Jim jumped in to help, and then I was almost in tears. I am a wordsmith. I hunt for the right word to convey exactly what I mean all the time, and in real life with no computer I am constantly misunderstood. It isn't always the American slant on things, I genuinely cannot seem to say what I mean. I know what it sounds like in my head, but it comes out gibberish. And not just when the girl has more chesticles than brains.

Then i went next door to the overpriced gift shop, because I dont know where to buy knitting needles, cause I needed a size ten needle. Instead of telling where they were, she asks me what I am making. Fair enough, I told her I was making a blanket. What colour? Well I said I have some yarn to use up. I just need someone to cast the stitches on for me I said. She looked shocked and said, you are buying needles and you don't know how to knit? In my frustration i said, so you don't have needles, again coming off as a two-headed meany with a wart on my nose.

If I knew anywhere else that sold knitting needles I would have just walked out. She got my needles, I got saved by the bell as Jim sauntered into the store and we left. By the way, if any of you know ALison the wonder woman, she is gonna put the stitches on for  me. SO there rude lady from the shop. Wanna go to the Coffee Bean with me anyone? I saw a lovely carrot cake with my name on it there.

Blessings.

9000th viewing

I recently quit wrote my elders to explain why i had not been going to my new found church. I am sick, a lot and i feared they would worry i was unwell, which happily is untrue. I will always be sickly, but i am plenty healthy enough to attend church should i so desire.
I played a lot of games in my head as to the why I was playing hooky, but after looking at it from a few angles(trying to place the blame somewhere else) no matter it is no longer about what first annoyed me, not to attend is a choice, and one that I regret bitterly.

In addition I have been really feeling well enough to attack my house a bit more, so I am not blogging or Face Booking as much. The upside to blogging is it gives me an outlet to all the thoughts that buzz around in my head, and without blogging the whispers and tapes start rolling again. I was once told that I was so stupid I stank. I was once told I was a God-send. I was once told I was just mean. In school, people with no self-respect called me tank. It made me different because I was fat, and because I had a brain.

The only person who mattered to me growing up was Chucky. He said I was alright, and so I knew I was. His Mom was my babysitter and she lavished love and attention on all of us kids, not just her own. I miss her to this day, and many things have come up I wish I could talk over with her.

As Fall approaches I am a bit homesick for the apple-picking and making grape fruit wreaths after the grapes were picked. I miss popcorn and cider made at the Stoltz residence. A lot of my best memories are at Ellen's with no kids or men around. Jack liked when I came because I would pitch in. I could clean and Ellen could cook and Jack seemed please we spent time together. Plus, Ellen had a modern dishwasher, can you imagine?

I sometimes get mad at her family for how they treat her, but she puts up with it and seems happy with Jack so I don't push it. I have yet to meet the man who just chips in without suggestion, although my illness has made Jim more essential than I would have liked. I do not like knowing I would be sunk if Jim left me, so I comfort myself hoping ot would be somewhat hard for him too. It is so hard to trust someone would be here because they love me, so I foolishly keep trying to win the man I already have. Re-reading that last sentence sounds crazy to me, too .
Well, I am hoping to get to Murettes house to visit this weekend, and to get my fat butt to church Sunday. Time to face the music before they really do forget me. Thanks for your prayers for Murette, she is coming along great, and is home already from the ward. She doesnt ride with us any longer, as she requires a two-man ambulance the now. I am (yes I know) kinda missing her. Oh well, more news as soon as I make some. Bye for now and blessings.

this marks my 9000th post read.

I live in a land that after the Dunblane tragedy, the people decided to voluntarily give up most of their guns. This was poignantly brought home today when two policewoman, responding to a domestic burglary report were assassinated and then a grenade was thrown at them. After a while the fellow turned himself in, and come to find out was wanted already for some previous murders allegedly. He was at least a person of interest in previous grenade toting crimes.

Now do i think America is foolish for all their gun toting weirdos> You bet I do. But tonight I wonder about a land where police can be killed with no thought of capital punishment. At the very least, I think guns are appropriate for domestic calls, because the fellow today lured the cops to where he was with a false report of a crime. This shows a level of premeditation, and so the eternal dilemma begins. DO I really believe in fewer guns out there? and what if me or mine are assaulted with gun crime?

IN my home nation, i think there are tougher penalties for killing a police dog than the man who killed these women will get. I am honest enough to say no sentence will bring the women back, but you can't only have gun control when it suits you. You either have iit, and live with the repercussions, o we become another America, where their children are mowed down like grass in school and playgrounds. Having said all this, no gun the carried would have stopped a grenade lobbed at them, either. We mourn with the Police force tonight and support the many who risk their lives so I can be safe within my home. I pray there is a hell tonight, so that Karma can do what our legal system cannot.

Blessings, especially to the families left behind in this tragedy.

Sad September

This morning as I was dressing I noticed something new to me. The last few letters in September spell ember. To me ember implies heat, and September is when Dad always brought home the wood he had chopped all summer. He would try when possible to use wood that was already down, although being dried
it was harder to chop. My dad taught me the old saw, chopping wood warms you twice. It is when we got a winter deposit of fuel to back up cold days when Dad was at work and the fire went out.

If I had it to do again, I wish I had filled the wood box more often. I wish I had done something nice for him for all those nights he had to get out of a warm bed and go down  to the cold manky basement to get wood for the firebox Bill and I never filled. If Dad had lived till I was a parent I think he would have seen me finally mature a bit. But wishes aren't actions and i was a selfish kid. I wanted fire and i didn't want to help get it.

I often wonder why Dad loved Mom and us so, he was constantly nagged and called names, and we did not have compassion because we had never loved someone so flawed. Now i am with JIm I can see how you can love and dislike someone sometimes at the same time. My head can hold those two incongruous thoughts. Or maybe I am the looney.

I miss my Dad. I used to miss him as my hero, now I know he was very human, and somehow i love him even more. But I wasted a lot of chances to see him that I wish I had taken. Don't be like me. Give the old man a call. He may one day have a home he can't take calls in. I used to hope there was a heaven so I could go there. Now i pray there is one so my Dad is reunited with his brothers, and happily waiting.
Blessings.

Homely on the Range

Aren't words funny things? If you called an American homely, they would probably punch you, (we say homely as a hedgehog, so they must be very ugly!) but here in Scotland it means warm and cozy, as in a homely home. If words didn't fail us so often across borders, we probably would have much fewer disputes and wars. Now on the other hand, the romance languages-based on a lot of Roman words like Italian, French, Spanish and Portuguese have words so similar that if you were fluent in any of them you could probably get the gist of most conversations. 

If that weren't confusing enough, many people invent words, either to make a line rhyme in poetry, or there is a new invention that needs naming, or lovers who want a language only they understand. The Bible says at one time mankind had language, and it was common enough they were gonna build some kind of tower. I won't get into the politics of it, but suffice it to say God confused the languages so much that in frustration they gave up on the tower.

Interestingly enough, on the day of Pentecost, there were many people in the city from all over the world at that time. Imagine all the languages and dialects you would hear as you walked the streets of Jerusalem? When the Holy Spirit comes down on the Christians what does God do? He gets his message preached, but not in Latin, which most would need to know to conduct business in the city, but each man hears the gospel message in his own words.

Despite all the shepherd and sheep images, another common name for  Jesus is "the Word" and He was Gods way of saying despite Adams flaws, we could be united with God forever. That is why the Bible was sometimes called the "Good News".
Blessings. Have a great Day. Think about some of your words.

September 11, 2012

Ten years ago today, I announced to my work that I would be leaving in the fall to go to Scotland. I felt I should give them time to train my replacement, and that it was the right thing to do. They promptly fired me. I guess I wasn't as hard to replace as I thought. In the days that followed,i came to question the wisdom of being so far from home when the "war on terror" was about to erupt. As many of you know, i second-guess every decision I ever made. My police type relations said "for all you know he may be an ax-murderer." I think my Mom just worried if I got into trouble I would be too far away to help me.

I wanted a new life. More than my little chicken heart was afraid of change, I needed a second chance. Have you ever felt that way? I just wanted to go back to GO and start over. I wanted a chance to be happy. I wanted more than that, to get away from "the people who loved me". After my divorce I could not see the forest for the trees. I felt lost and afraid. How could anyone leave someone as wonderful as me? I was about 44, not that good looking, and more than a little overweight. Oh, and Jim loved me.

Not with blinders on, but knew me inside and out as much as you can know someone you haven't lived with yet, and wanted to marry me anyway. SO after negotiations the Kremlin would be proud of, Jim helped me sell up and walk on that plane. Mom and Ellen surprised me at the airport, and Jim surprised me  at the other airport because he had cut his hair so short i didn't recognize him. And what was the catalyst for all this change? Fred dumping me. I am so afraid of change I would have stayed with him forever. Plus I had this weirdo idea of Gods opinion of marriage. SO in a weird kinda way, Fred set me free to be this happy in the second half of my marriage. We quarrel and all, we are very emotional people, but I appreciate being with someone who can put thoughts together. I wish sometimes I could control those thoughts a little, but I can't and even though he doesnt believe in the "God" he allows me to do anyone thing i feel i need to to be happy.

One thing we learned, life is short, and we prefer to be happy. So we are. Thanks for listening.

Well done Andy Murray.