Happy 55th birthday love of my life.

Officially you went back to work yesterday, but the weekend caught up to me and I didn't try to blog. Today is bright and sunny, my chores for the morning are done, I am dressed and ready to kick out a blog.


The last 2 weeks we have not been home for hardly a minute. I did not nag about the house much, i just enjoyed having Mr Hunk around the house. We must have put at least 500 miles on the car this summer so far, beginning with the trip from my family up to and including Jims 2 week holiday. We have sailed off in the car in every direction, sometimes to specific places like Culzean Castle or Glencoe, and sometimes wherever the sat nav and car took us. We found some great little cafes like Doolally in Ayr, and we wrecked the budget a bit because Jim didn't know i was planning a surprise party. We will be ok, God always provides, but for the first time if we are out and I want something to eat I get it. My family made me shy to ask for food, even when hungry. I no longer suffer from food eating disorders. I eat when hungry and if ice cream is involved sometimes when not hungry too.
The only sad part of the weekend is i wish Andy could have come, but we are so proud of his referee training, and that will last longer than a party we redo every 5 years. It goes without saying Craig was mentioned too, but that cannot be helped.


So anyway, the reason i don;t lie is that I am not good at it, even a lie to make a party,then I forgot what i told to whom. Somehow because I made the party so much after his real birthday, he suspected nothing. First of all, the boys got Dad out of the way, the girls helped me with the balloons, and June Moore Kir did all the work with her wonderful bar team of David and Heather.
The next day was Malcolm Dodd's 60th party, and we all looked like we had slept over. I don't know what Malkie's family thought, but we looked pretty rough day 2. The highlight of that party was the all the kids, especially new baby Findlay. One born, two to go. Mr Powrie and Mr Conroy will complete our rugby 2020 team. Well done JInky to start us off.
A good time was had by all this weekend, and the bar takings weren't bad either. Again a debt owed to June,Heather and David. Thank you.
If you had arrived here in 2002 looking for friends, landing at the PRFC and meeting the Dodd's was sufficient. Thanks one and all, I am not mushy by nature, but i love you. You helped me make JIM feel special.
Blessings.

the day before the Big Day

If I can make myself dialyze today and come home and rest, I should be in great shape for the weekend of parties at the PRFC. Of course that will depend on if JIm uses the whole time I am gone on the computer again. It is his last non-weekend day of his holiday, and it remains to be seen if he gets to this Transport Museum he has been saying he wants to see.


Yesterday we went to a garden called Greenbank. The sun cooperated, and then we got some groceries. That was me, as walking down 2 flights of stairs when the lifts broke (again) at Western Infirmary Wednesday wrecked my legs.Imagine poor Jim trying to push a wheelchair through a moor and you get a rough idea. Then we get to our favorite statue there and some idiot put a cigarette in her hand. People.


I got my prescriptions sorted with the local surgery. I could tell you the story, but you would never believe it. JIm wandered all over hell's half acre yesterday, actually doing the leg work, and I think he understands why I want nothing to do with my local surgery. That is a story for another day as they say.
So off to hospital I go. You have a good morning too.
Blessings.

Its a new day

Well, I have a minute before hospital to talk today. Most of you will be shocked to see 2 days in a row. I am as well. I learned something this week. ALl my worrying about others had made it easier to ignore my own health. Yesterday i got a haircut, and felt so good after that I went to the chiropodist as well. I was so afraid since i got my foot cut, that i let my nails grow long enough to step on them. For £21 pounds i got feet that feel like dancing. I was silly, even though yes I have a bandage on a toenail that bled. What do you expect when your toenails are longer than your foot?
Also, Lorna, who practices on Causeyside street, has her appointments made by the Paisley Natural Health Centre. The entire group encompasses many therapies and many therapists. I recommend a massage if you love yourself. Many times we can't properly take care of others because we are hurting ourselves. I used to be amazed by the acupuncture techniques, and the aroma therapies.
Carol, the owner/director is also a published author. They could possibly get you a signed copy of her book at the centre. And speaking of authors, we got a new Betty McKellar book when we were at Muirsheils Ciuntry Park, and strangely enough it is called MUIRSHEIL. Betty is a poet, and she rights in Scots, so she used to make a glossary for me in writers group as I knew none of the words. The day was long but we had a lot of fun, and got a lot done. I am enjoying Jim being off work.
Blessings.

Update to Murettes foot...

Well, I went to dialysis yesterday and Sister Jenn (the head nurse here is called a sister, American friends) said after her shift she went over to see Murette. It was late Friday and Murette had had her operation that day. She said Murette seemed to be in good spirits and doing well, so I thank you all for your prayers on her behalf. I have been really struggling with my faith, as so many asked me why God doesnt just heal my kidney, and why Tom and Murette both lost legs this month.
I believe God is a God of miracles and healing. I also believe God is not Santa Claus. He knows what is best and I must trust him, even though in my own person i see me declining in so many ways.
We are not puppets, but we do have to take a lot on by faith. If at the end of my life I am just dead, well I am still glad I strove to these standards. If the Bible was right though, all this pain and distress will have an eternal point. Some will laugh and say i am naive, and I accept that. I want to be naive like Jesus was, and to try to do as much good as I can whilst i can.
Even if this turns out to be a mental exercise and false, I am still glad my values are not those of my fellow Americans who claim to know and love God, but are armed to the teeth. Does the world feel safer knowing Israel has atomic weapons? SO much for being Gods people. The people in Hamas and Hezbollah are no more terrorists than the traditional leaders of Israel were and are. We lull ourselves into believing we can identify the bad guys, but no one wears black hats much anymore. The enemy is indeed ourselves.
So much for beating our swords into plowshares. Religion is making for a scary world. If more people tried to act like Jesus, instead of trying to turn people away from Islam, atheism, or apathy, I think Jesus would shine.I am convinced that no one that ever came to really know Jesus was disappointed. But that is the opinion of a housewife from NY. Can't get you coffee. Blessings.

Foxbarr

I used to grumble so about waiting for the hospital transport after picking up the patient there. Now I wonder when or if we shall go there again. I used to grumble so about Murettes' temper and selfishness, now i would give anything for a good old fashioned row with her. The news is so much worse than I feared. Tom and Maurette both are to lose their legs. FACT. The ones who are must bright in our little dialysis group? Yup, Tom and Murette, and it is helping the  rest of us cope. I am slowly climbing out of this deep black hole because if they can cope, who the hell am I not to, or to refuse to?
 The last blog i wrote I thought Murette might die on route to hospital, and she hasn't left the hospital since. Today she was given a one day home pass to catch up on bills and mail and such. She also has two cats that will go wild if they don't see her soon. She has a bit of family, and she is loved. I have been keeping her in cigarettes, which i believe to my toes is wrong, but when you are so ill, that is not the time to try to quit. Besides, she doesn't want to. SO I fetch for her.What can I do? I love her.
Poor Jim must be nuts by now,as i spent the most time griping about her and vice versa, and now it seems we are best friends. Well, we aren't and if she gets out, after a time she will remember how mean I am, I am sure. When you offer unconditional love, you have to accept them warts and all. Like JIm does me. Smile.
Lately I have come to see JIm doesn't think I love him without conditions. He sees me claim to be a Christian, but make terrible costly mistakes with those I love most. In my disease, I have quit going to church altogether. I have quit talking to God. I have lived like a quitter. I don't have enough energy to do anything, and yet i can't sleep with out pills. I am better than this, but even nature is dark and gray now. I am in a personal drought, and I have to move quickly, because the downward slide is greased. I am going to a ladies night out, and the next day is a BBQ for a 60th birthday. Having something to look forward to really helps.
I know if I called any of the PRFC ladies, we could smack me back into shape, but everyone's life is so happy just now. I went to a leaving-do for my new good friend Heather's daughter (isn't  heather a lovely name? If you had ever seen it , it is tough as nails and so beautiful). That night really helped a bit, then i started another fight with JIm about his weight, or his smoking or both. NO wonder he thinks I don't care. The truth is, I am afraid he will leave me alone. Not by choice, but by health.
OK I am all over the place in this blog, but I have bottled up the words so long they are fighting to get out of me.
I want my life back now. I am ready. I am needed.Thanks for visiting.

sorry gang

I have not been posting for awhile and it would have done me good. Yes the warm weather triggered a bout of  depression. This one was bad, because with Tom and Maurette so bad, I should focus on them, but i take anger inside of me. I thought Maurette was going to die yesterday on the way to the hospital. She just could not walk or breath. They kept her in hospital, but they are treating her like a yoyo. She needs mostly to eat i think. She is taller than me and weighs about 40 kilos.
So please pray for her and for Tom, and we shall see. I will try to be here more regularly.Bye for now.